Stuck With You
by TiburonWriter
Summary: Based on the hit Netflix series “Grace and Frankie,” (so lots lifted/plagiarized for non commercial purposes). But you don’t need to have seen the show to read. Canon compliant except the flash forward. Sebastian has had an open marriage with Jesse St. James. Blaine divorced Kurt and found a safe married space with Rachel, who had been getting over years of unsuccessful dating. The
1. The End

Sebastian Smythe strode into Spago, annoyed. It had been a busy day and he didn't want to be at this dinner. He stepped up to the hostess stand. "Hello, Brandy. Are they here?" The hostess pointed out Blaine Anderson, sitting alone across the room, buttering some bread. Sebastian let out a frustrated sigh. _Great._

Sebastian rarely saw Blaine these days, by choice. He'd lost more and more respect for him over the 30 years he'd known him, starting of course with the Warbler-deserter's dumbass decision to choose Kurt Hummel over Sebastian Fucking Smythe. It was just as well, because Blaine only went downhill from there: from not cheating with Sebastian to getting engaged at 18 to deciding to get married in the span of a day while hijacking Santana's wedding in the process. When they were about 25 and an Instagram had reminded Sebastian of the lustworthiness of Blaine's ass, he thought about reconnecting with him. He and Jesse had an open marriage, after all. He hesitated, though, since Kurt had recently divorced Blaine and Sebastian did not at all relish the idea of Blaine crying in his mouth (or anywhere else) during sex. After a year he considered Blaine's ass again, thinking surely Blaine would be over the Klaine of it all at that point. But before he got around to calling, Jesse told him that Blaine had slid to the absolute bottom of the cesspool. He had betrayed the Brotherhood and married a girl. And not just any girl, Rachel Freaking Berry. As if choosing a vagina (ugh) wasn't bad enough, Blaine had picked the most annoying vagina of them all.

Sebastian came up to the table looking bored. "Hey Blaine," he said with a Mona Lisa Smile. But then he noticed Blaine's long lashes and stopped to study him for a moment. Blaine still looked good, he had to give him credit for that. Even after having two kids and staying home with them, Blaine hadn't let himself go. "Looking good, Killer."

"You, too!" Blaine replied, with an admiring look that was good for Sebastian's ego. "You look well. That's a gorgeous suit."

Sebastian gestured for Blaine to stand up and hug him, which allowed Sebastian to give him an "accidental brush" as they parted. He suspected that copping a feel of "that ass" (as he and Jesse had always referred to it) would be the highlight of the evening.

They sat down, Blaine a little confused. Did Sebastian just feel him up? It had happened so fast.

"So, Jesse and Rachel aren't here yet?" Sebastian asked absently, already bored again and inspecting the room.

"Oh, boy, nothing gets by you," Blaine teased.

Sebastian handed the bread basket to a passing waiter that had arrived to get a drink order from him. "We won't be needing this anymore," he said, checking out the young man's ass.

Blaine tried again to engage him, with another charming smile. "But what do you use to soak up sauce with?"

"I don't eat sauce, not since my winter two stopped coming off as easily when I hit 35 or so." He lifted his chin at the waiter - he was going to need a scotch, fast, if Blaine was going to be so blindingly chipper all night. "Macallan Flask, neat. Thanks."

Blaine's sweet banter couldn't be stopped. "You do know that scotch is made from barley, so if you're worried about carbs..."

Sebastian gave him bored smirk. "Alcohol has its own rules."

Blaine wanted to roll his eyes. Sebastian Smythe was still "out there." But he and Jesse were major investors in Rachel's production company, so Blaine needed to be grateful - or at least cordial. After an awkward beat, Blaine drummed his fingers on the table and spoke up politely to fill the silence. "So...what do you think is so important that we had to have dinner tonight?"

Sebastian was still scanning the room. He replied distractedly, "They're probably just excited about some new project for her." Jesse's devotion to Rachel's career was impressive. As her manager he had taken her from Fanny Brice to Maria in West Side Story to Velma Kelly to Elphaba to Miss Hannigan in Annie, with TV and movie roles to match. Sure, she was a major talent, but what most people didn't know is that having the right management can make or break you.

Blaine nodded, sounding a bit wistful. "I was guessing the same thing."

Hearing his tone of voice, Sebastian looked back at Blaine. He studied him again for a moment. "You could have had her career, you know," he said in a matter of fact way.

Blaine felt caught in his gaze, and was relieved Sebastian started surveying the room again. Blaine's mouth dropped open a little. Was Sebastian right? If he hadn't fallen apart after Kurt divorced him, if he hadn't stepped back from his career once Michael and Alex were born...would his career be as stratospheric as Rachel's? He never stopped to think about it, because he didn't at all regret his move to be a stay-at-home-dad, but still...was Sebastian right? It was kind of irritating that Sebastian said anything about it, actually.

Sebastian seemed to feel Blaine's silence. He shrugged, "You might have gone even farther."

Then Sebastian spotted his husband and Rachel approaching the table. Jesse leaned down to kiss him. "Hello..."

"Hey..." Sebastian greeted him, his face neutral. He kissed him swiftly and held his arm tightly to command quietly in his ear. "No appetizers, no dessert,"Blaine smiled brightly at Rachel, standing up halfway to hug her. "Hi, sweetheart."

Jesse came around the table to kiss Blaine on the cheek. "How are you, love?"

Sebastian looked up coolly to greet the woman who was always the most annoyingly arrogant person in the room. "Hello, Rachel."

Rachel leaned down for air kisses from the man who was always the most annoyingly arrogant person in the room. "Hello, Sebastian."

Forty-five minutes later, Sebastian was three scotches in. He never lost control when he drank this much, but he was looser, and it made everything a little smoother. That helped with the weird vibe at the table tonight.

Rachel was at the bottom of her glass of wine and trying to take meditative breaths. She spoke up, fluttering in a way Blaine hadn't seen since they had filmed the McKinley Public Access Christmas Special his junior year. "These mussels are delicious. And the crab...so fresh," she said, too brightly. "And they give you three sauces! Look at this oyster! Oh my god do you think they sang to these oysters?"

She trilled out a Disney verse that made Sebastian want to stab his eardrum with his shrimp fork:

_The time has come, my little friends_

_To talk of other things_

_Of shoes and ships and sealing wax_

_Cabbages and kings_

_And why the sea is boiling hot_

_And whether pigs have wings, ha ha_

_Callo-Callay_

_Come, run away_

_With cabbages and kings!_

Blaine giggled, "How much wine have you had, honey? We've only had this seafood platter 700 times..."

Jesse was trying to stay calm. He said seriously, "Rachel's a little anxious tonight."

Blaine looked concerned. "Something happen at work?"

Jesse stiffened a little. "Actually, we do want to talk to you two about something. Right, Rachel?"

Rachel swallowed thickly. "Okay. Well, yes..." She cleared her throat. "Well, as you know, some would say we are officially in middle age now, if we live until we're 90..."

Sebastian looked at her with derision. "Speak for yourself," he said, arching a finely groomed brow.

She ignored him, and tittered nervously. "And we're getting better with age. Middle age, you know...if we live to 90. This can be a very exciting chapter we're about to open. In the book of life. It feels alive with possibility. And change. And Blaine himself says, 'Change is always good. Especially when starting this new chapter of our lives, a midlife chapter, if we live to 90...'"

Sebastian grumbled. "We're gonna turn 90 pretty soon if you don't get to the point."

Jesse took a deep breath. "You know what, I'll just do it."

Rachel's eyes grew wide. "No..."

Jesse nodded, and looked around the table with determination. "It's OK."

Rachel protested quietly, "Jesse..."

Jesse held up a hand at her from across the table. "Please, Rachel." He looked at Sebastian and Blaine. "What Rachel is trying to say is, I'm leaving you." He looked at Sebastian squarely, but he couldn't keep the eye contact for more than a moment. He turned to Blaine. "And she's leaving you."

Rachel chirped weirdly. "For this next chapter of our lives."

Sebastian's eyes were narrowed. "You're leaving me?" his tone sounded strangled, like it couldn't come out of his throat.

Jesse looked a little afraid, but he spoke bravely. "Yes."

Sebastian crossed his arms. "Divorce, really drama queen? If you want more sex or you don't want me to sleep around as much just tell me, no need to get your Jamie Dornans in a twist."

Jesse ran his fingers through his hair like Danny Zuko. "No, it's not what you think. It's not you. It's me. I'm in love."

Sebastian's eyes narrowed more and he craned his neck forward. "What now?"

Jesse looked across the table at Rachel. "It's Rachel. I'm in love with Rachel. Rachel and I are in love. I guess I never completely stopped loving her."

Blaine looked at Jesse in disbelief. "My Rachel?"

Sebastian was muttering in disbelief. "But no one _leaves_ a _Smythe_…"

Rachel nodded at Blaine, looking empathetic."Your Rachel."

Sebastian stopped to shake his head and say skeptically, "You mean you're straight again? And THIS is who you're straight with?"

Jesse looked back at him soberly, his blue eyes steady. "You know I'm bisexual. This is who I'm in love with."

Those eyes really took him by surprise. He knew what Jesse looked like when he was serious. Sebastian stared back at him and groaned as it all started to sink in. "Jesus Christ."

Blaine's eyes were like a hurt puppy, a hurt puppy that was looking at a woman with two heads. "No, this makes no sense. You work together, he's your manager, you're not lovers. You're friends." Rachel shook her head ever so slightly and he felt tears behind his eyes. "How long has this been going on?"

Rachel looked over at Jesse for support. "Well, it's been…" she looked back at Blaine. "I don't know, exactly."

Jesse spoke up, not able to let Rachel flounder more. "Ten years."

Sebastian stared. "Fucking A…" he breathed.

Blaine shook his head, his tearful eyes glistening as it all began to sink in. "Ten...how could you...you don't think there was a better time to tell us this? Like, say, any time over the past decade?"

Sebastian looked like he was going to throw up.

Rachel's brown eyes were wide with sympathy. "I'm so sorry. I kept hoping you would shrug off your whole bisexuality mantle and leave me for men, you know you've always been more gay then most men we know."

Blaine looked at her with disbelief. "You were waiting for ME to leave you first?"

Sebastian interrupted, "Why are you telling us now? Why not live off my money for longer?"

Rachel said simply, "We want to get married."

Blaine's eyes widened and Sebastian snapped, "Married?! What the actual fuck?!"

Jesse drew his lips into a straight line and looked at Sebastian compassionately.

Realization was dawning in Sebastian's green eyes. "Oh, damn. This is why you wanted to meet us here. You didn't want me to make a scene, did you? You thought this place would protect you. You fucking coward…. You chicken shit..." He stood up slowly, looking menacing. After glowering at his husband for a moment his first thought was that he should just do what any self respecting man in this situation would do. Maintain his dignity and walk away.

But then he decided that what any self respecting man in this situation would actually do was beat the shit out of Jesse St. ASSHOLE. He flipped the table, glassware and expensive china hurtling towards Jesse in a violent clatter as Blaine and Rachel yelped. Sebastian lurched around the table, hauled Jesse up by the shirt.

"Oh my god!" Rachel shrieked as the commotion caused waiters and fellow customers to rush over and help.

It took four men to finally get Sebastian off of his husband, but Blaine wasn't one of them. He stood with his hands on his hips, staring at Jesse and Sebastian pulling apart. "I can't believe this is happening," he said, his eyes narrowing, his lips slightly parted.

Rachel said supportively, "Breathe. Breathe. Yoga breaths, baby…" She reached over to put her hand on his heart.

Blaine jerked to look at her, his hazel eyes stormy as he pushed her away. "Get your hands off of me."

* * *

Sebastian strode through his front door with his head held high. The entire drive home had felt like he was in a fog. But he kept breathing, because this wasn't the first time he'd been fucked over by someone. He just never thought it would be Jesse.

They'd been drawn together by their similarities, a similar sense of humor and driving ambition. But Jesse had made him laugh enough to merit keeping him around. Plus he was a really hot lay. Jesse had also been tender when Sebastian had gone through challenges like his grandmother's death and becoming partner at the firm. Jesse had laid out the advantages of an open marriage and had convinced him to become a parent, singing "Dear Theodosia" with charm and bringing over Santana's babies in a completely unjust maneuver.

When Sebastian had the biggest bottle of scotch from his study in hand and began to climb the stairs, he heard the front door open behind him. It was his husband, looking like a complete fucking stranger. "Seb…" Jesse hesitated, not able to find the words.

Sebastian gave him a shrewd backwards look. Of course. Jesse was eloquent in every setting, except when it came to talking to Sebastian about anything uncomfortable. He strode up the stairs without a backwards glance.'

* * *

Blaine was at his dresser, taking his watch off and emptying his pockets of his keys, handkerchief and phone.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said uncomfortably, pacing behind him. "I didn't know how to handle it. I justified it to myself by convincing myself that you should be with a man, anyway. And for a long time, I didn't know if I could trust Jesse with my heart. I didn't know how to tell you."

Blaine replied grimly and he slapped his phone down on the tray, "Well, good job, picking the worst way imaginable. In public? In front of Sebastian Smythe, even?""

Rachel said plaintively, "Some things there's no good way to do. How do I tell the man I've loved for 20 years that I can't be with him, if I want to be happy?

Blaine snapped his head up to look at her in the mirror, his eyes dark. "You don't. You stay miserable, because you made a vow to ride it out, for better or for worse."

"But...we're a special case..."

Blaine winced, raising a hand to stop her, wincing. "You probably should sleep in the den."

* * *

Sebastian was hesitating, looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. The man looking back at him was drop dead gorgeous. He looked like someone who had everything. Sebastian looked down and picked up the Hermès moisturizer. He slowly opened the jar, skimmed some out with his long fingers, and slapped it on. He was looking in the mirror but he wasn't seeing anything. He rubbed more cream in, not bothering to pat it in on the delicate areas around his eyes. Then he stepped back as he formulated revenge. He dug his eye cream, tinted lip balm, skin serum, foundation, and brow pencil out of the drawer. He was going to go out to a club for the first time in awhile.

There was a knock at the door and he shoved the cosmetics into the drawer, grabbing his toothbrush.

Jesse came in and Sebastian reached for the toothpaste, squeezing out a small amount on his brush.

Jesse's blue eyes were tentative, and appraising. "Sebastian? Can I talk to you for a second, please?"

Sebastian replied coldly, putting the toothbrush down to give Jesse an icy stare in the mirror. "I don't know. NOT talking is more your forte."

Jesse hung his head, and spoke earnestly. "Well, I'm talking now, and I'm sorry. I just never thought you'd be this upset."

Sebastian's eyes narrowed at him. "What did you think I'd be?"

Jesse shrugged. "I honestly thought you'd be relieved," he said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry I was so far off."

Sebastian leaned forward on the sink, looking annoyed. "Relieved? Really? Relief, is what you're feeling, jackass." His next words came out in a rush before he could stop them. "I'm feeling like the last 20 years have been a fraud."

Jesse spoke sardonically as he came farther into the cavernous master bath. "Now, come on. Only the last 10 years were a fraud."

Sebastian glared at him darkly in the mirror. He picked up his hairbrush as if it were a dagger, his grip tight.

Jesse raised both hands in the air. "Too soon for a joke, got it. Was just trying to break the..."

Sebastian interrupted him. "Uh-uh. NO. You don't get to do that," he said viciously, shaking the hairbrush. His voice broke a little and he hated that it did. "You don't get to pretend that this is _nothing_."

Jesse nodded and said calmly, "No, you're right. It's not nothing. And I should have told you a long time ago. I just didn't think it would end in anything with Rachel. For a long time I thought she and I would just sleep together they way you and I have always slept with other people. She didn't trust me for a long, long time. And she wouldn't leave Blaine." His eyes were earnest as he stepped closer. "But let's be honest. Were you ever really happy with me?"

Sebastian was violently styling his hair, but Jesse's question stopped him. He glanced to the side - evaluating, trying to frame an answer to the question. He finally answered quietly, "I was happy enough. So we didn't have the romance of the century, but I thought we were...fine. We adopted kids together, for god's sake. We took family vacations. Our sex was hot enough. I thought that this was life."

"And I realized there was more," Jesse said faintly.

Sebastian grunted, opening the drawer and staring at his moisturizer again. He muttered, "It would have been easier if you'd gotten some disease in a club backroom and died."

Jesse took that one in the gut, but he looked only slightly hurt and he didn't say anything. The door shut behind him.

* * *

Blaine came into the den, looking tired and defeated. He looked at Rachel in her pink heart-dotted flannel pajamas on the sofabed. "I can't remember the last time I've slept without you. I know I've done it but I.. I can't remember."

Rachel's brown eyes were full of compassion. "Come here," she said, moving to make room for him. Blaine came over without a word and laid down next to her, curled up. After a long pause she spoke up. "I hate that I hurt you. I really do love you." She spooned him and put her chin on his shoulder. "I know you love me, too, that's what makes this so hard."

Blaine replied faintly, "I've always loved you for your honesty. But you lied to me for ten years. Ironic, isn't it?"

* * *

When she heard the footfalls of Alexander and Michael, her 7th grade sons, Rachel tensed, leaping up from the breakfast nook. She trilled, "Hello, boys!"

At the tone of her voice, Mikey's normally calm face turned cautious. "Good Morning..." he said carefully as he came into the kitchen.

Rachel tried to calm her voice. "We need to talk."

Alex looked worried. "Oh, God. Is this another intervention? It's been like...three months since I got a detention, I swear. I stayed after school for a little while last week, but that was to clean my locker."

Rachel shook her head, saying gently, "This is not an intervention."

Blaine came across the room with a tray of food, looking austere. "But you may want to have your guidance counselor on speed dial, 'cause this is not good news."

Alex and Mikey looked worried. Their father barely ever looked like that. "Why does your hair have so much gel in it?" Alex asked, to start.

* * *

Jesse came in and found Sebastian still in bed, his head under the covers, only a tuft of chestnut hair peeking out from under the Roberto Cavalli duvet. Jesse sighed. "I'm going to go to work early instead of having breakfast with the girls."

"No," was the muffled reply. "They'll know something's up. They'll know...but I'm not ready to talk to them yet about this. So you have to stay, and we have to pretend to be normal."

Jesse looked patient. "Are you sure?"

Sebastian growled. "Yes. Try to be gay for one more meal."

* * *

Mikey's eyes stared at his mother from across the table. "You're leaving dad?"

Alex held his juice glass a little too tightly, looking befuddled. "Uncle Jesse's straight? I mean, he's always been really competitive and he built Kara and Alice that treehouse...but, but I, well, I never thought that…"

Rachel said crisply, "He's bisexual. He thought he was gay, but it turns out he's a little bisexual. For me."

Mikey couldn't stop staring at his mother. "You're Uncle Jesse's Only Exception? I always thought you were his hag. Really? You and Uncle Jesse?"

Alex shook his head before guzzling his juice down. "I don't see it…" After a moment more though, his eyes began to widen. "Oh, God, now I see it. Mom, I can't stop seeing it!"

"Bisexual sex is not shameful," Rachel said decidedly.

Mikey took a deep breath and patted his brother. "Imagining your mom having sex with anyone is shameful, we just learned about all this a couple months ago in school, I'm not ready to think about it in real life." He looked perplexed. "Why don't we have a therapist here? There was one here when Sondheim died."

"I liked her," Alex said, looking at his brother. "I remember she said, "All dogs go to heaven." He looked sentimental. "Aw, Sondheim was the best. Not every poodle can pull off a Warbler blazer..."

Blaine reached over and patted his arm, "Hold on," he said sourly. "There's more." He gave Rachel a stern look. "Tell them."

Rachel looked hesitant, and her voice was a little too high pitched. "Haven't we had enough news for one day?"

Blaine blurted out bitterly, "They're getting married," he said, looking petty. "'Cause they have been together for 10 years and they think it is time. Which works out great, because I've always dreamed that I would spend the rest of my life… alone." He leaned over to pick up a pastry in each hand, shoving them in his mouth.

* * *

Sebastian and Jesse sat stiffly, side by side, at the formal dining table, not looking at each other. They sat expectantly as they heard the sound of the girls pounding downstairs and tried to smile.

Their daughters weren't fully in the room when Kara said sharply, "What the hell?"

Jesse smiled brightly. "Are you riding your bikes to school today?"

Alice yelped, "Dad, you're straight?!"

"He's bi," Sebastian clarified, looking up at the girls, eyes narrowed. "How did you…"

Kara raised her eyebrows at him. "Mikey called. When were you planning on telling us?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Whenever you weren't going to react like that."

Kara ignored him looking between her fathers. "Is someone gonna start explaining what's going on?"

Sebastian said dryly, "Ask your punk-ass father."

Alice's eyes were big and troubled as she looked at Jesse. "Dad?"

Jesse looked at a loss, looking at Sebastian for a second for help and got none. His husband just looked smug. Jesse spluttered, "Well, girls, it, um, it, uh...it kind of is what it is."

"Great talk, Dad," Kara said sarcastically.

Jesse gestured at the chairs. "Sit down…"

Alice couldn't, but she started to peel a tangerine.

Kara leaned in to argue emphatically. "I mean, if I found out you were going to going to jail, I would've said 'sure.' But this? How are you not gay anymore? You've always said it's not a choice."

Jesse sighed buttered his toast vociferously while he tried to explain. "It's not, but we're not always aware of where we are on the spectrum. It can be confusing...and there wasn't as much awareness about bisexuality when I came out in college...so thought I fit in one mold…"

Alice grimaced. "Oh, my God. What am I going to say to all my friends?"

Kara muttered, "Why are you even thinking about those nerds...'"

Jesse and Sebastian glared at her. "Kara..."

Kara's eyes widened. "How am I in trouble right now?"

Jesse looked contrite. "Look, I'm sorry you had to find out this way and I know it's a shock, but, honestly, it was killing me."

Sebastian watched the tableau unfold in front of him and found his eyes growing wet. He looked down stonily and Alice notices. She hurried over and sat next to him. "Oh, Papa," she said, "You didn't even shave." She was hugging him from the side, kissing the top of his head. He let her, for a second. Then he pushed her away. "It's okay, Princess. I'm not falling apart," he said roughly, with only the slightest waver in his voice. "This is not worth falling apart over."

Alice said reassuringly, "No, it's OK, Papa. It's actually a fall apart kind of a thing."

Kara was surveying the table. She spoke up gently but firmly, pulling Jesse to this feet. "Daddy, we'll come talk to you in a little bit. OK? Please go."

Jesse looked a little hurt, but he complied.

Alice was hugging Sebastian again and his tears were back, though he was very stiff - it was all so fucking humiliating. "Papa, we're gonna get you through this, OK? We're gonna find you people to talk to. People who understand exactly what you're going through."Kara asked skeptically, "There's a group for husbands of husbands who've levelled down from gay to bi in their 40s?"

Sebastian let out a sigh, gently pushing Alice away again, but she kept her arm around him. "Papa, we'll go to Palm Springs for the weekend. We'll...we could play tennis and bring our lacrosse gear and find some soccer goals, and we'll go to the movies and…"

Sebastian spoke woodenly. "No. We don't need to plan. I just need coffee."

Alice looked upset. "Ok, but then what? Papa, what can we do for you?" She started hugging him again.

Sebastian shook his head, feeling like his nerves were deadened. "Nothing, nothing. Seriously, absolutely nothing. Not a single thing."

Kara's pretty mouth was set in a straight line. "How about a Valium?"

"Yes," Sebastian said without hesitation. "Two."

Mikey stopped Alex from pouring yet another glass of juice. "If anyone can deal with this, Dad, it is you. You're always talking about a door closing, or a window closing or opening...or something. The point is, you would say…"

"Courage," Alex finished for him.

Blaine's eyes grew tearful.

Mikey, sang, "I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter...Dancing through the fire..."

Blaine waved for him to stop. "Oh, that's just Katy Perry. She can sing that because she still looks like that."

Alex chimed in, "But you do look like that! I mean, in a guy way. All the girls at my school think you're 'the cutest.'"

Blaine took a moment to be grateful that his boys weren't talking about MILFs and DILFs yet.

Mikey looked at his brother thoughtfully, then turned back to Blaine. "Dad, I know this seems bad, but it will get better. You always say, 'it gets better,' and it really does." His glance landed on his brother. "Like, think about it, Alex, three months ago, his life was a total mess! But if he hadn't hit rock bottom…

Rachel looked at him keenly. "Where did you even learn that term?"

Mike shrugged and went on. "If he hadn't hit rock bottom after he got expelled for taking the bumper off of the principal's car..."

Alex nodded soberly. "I was as low as you could get. But look at me now!"

Mikey said optimistically, "Yes, look at him!"

Blaine looked Alex blankly. "He's on academic probation."

Alex said sweetly, "But I'm OK. Because of you."

Rachel listened glumly.

Blaine stood up, trying to take big breaths and failing. "I've got to get out of here."

Alex looked after him. "Holy crap."

Mikey breathed, "God, look his bowtie is crooked."

Sebastian was in the open front door of his house, a bottle of scotch tucked under one arm as he signed his electronic signature.

The round-faced delivery man smiled as he took his device back. "Thank you so very much. And you have yourself a great day now."

Sebastian gave him a fixed stare. "fuck you."

The delivery man looked shocked. "Wow."

Sebastian shut the door in his face. He opened the box, then brought a wooden chair with a screen printed seat into Jesse's study. He looked at his husband with condescension. "Your Scarlett Johansson chair arrived."

Jesse looked surprised as he stood up, chuckling. "Wow. They said it was going to take six weeks. It took two days. When does that happen?"

Sebastian gave him a dirty look.

Jesse looked uneasy. "It's just Scarlett Johansson is someone Rachel said she might…" He stopped himself. "It's a joke. Between me and Rachel. A private joke."

Sebastian arched a brow at him. "If you make another joke i'll slice off your lips. Slice em clean off." He dumped the chair near the door and opened the bottle of scotch, drinking straight from it as he started to walk around the room. He stopped at the bookcase, picking up a ragged copy of a Cole Porter biography. He skimmed the back cover, where a review and excerpts stated:...the psychological roots of Porter's love songs [for] love he could have but not forever.

"The only thing I really want to do is climb to the top of the bell tower and announce to the piazza that I'm desperately in love," [Porter] wrote to the dancer Boris Kochno, in 1925. "I love you so much that I think only of you—I see only you and I dream only of the moment when we'll be reunited." "Porter had needs he could not satisfy with Linda, not only sexual needs but social ones as well," William McBrien writes of Porter's mature years. "He could not, for instance, discuss the beauty of young males. Nor could he lament to her about living without an intimate companion—a man with whom he might have shared a home."

Sebastian asked Jesse without acrimony, "How many times have you read this?

Jesse bit his lip. "10, 15 times."

Sebastian swallowed, and took a steadying breath. "I'm outta here."

Jesse said lovingly, "Why don't I go?"

Sebastian shook his head and headed toward the door. "No. I've never really liked this house. I'm gonna go to the beach. Or Paris."

"But the kids…"

"Fine. The beach." He turned to go, then at the door he turned back to look at Jesse. "Wait. When people ask me why we got that house with Rachel and Blaine, I tell them what you told me: that it was just an investment to help out Blaine, to give him a decorating project when the kids finished preschool. Rachel discovered it and they couldn't afford in their own, so you wanted to help them Blaine out, plus it was once in a lifetime opportunity to get something oceanfront." He paused, watching Jesse look at the floor. "That's not why, is it?"

Jesse looked guilty.

"Yeah." Sebastian impulsively scooped up the new chair as he headed out the door. "You don't get private jokes. Santana is gonna get this - but until then, if anybody is gonna sit on Scarlett Johansson's face, it's gonna be me. I will fucking smother her."

Blaine entered a liquor store, throwing the door open so loudly that the young clerk looked up and grew wide-eyed. Blaine took up a grocery basket and started dumping Hostess baked goods into it. The clerk watched with trepidation. Blaine moved to the freezer and stood in front of it for a time, until a fellow customer came up to him.

"Excuse me..." the woman said, reaching in front of him to open the freezer door.

Blaine let her, then reached in after her for a Newman's Own Pizza. "Joanne Woodward would never have done it to Paul Newman. Even if Jesse serenaded her with that power-ballad voice of his."

The woman looked at him with a suspicious expression, grabbed her ice cream and left.

"Rude," Blaine said dolefully.

Sebastian was at Whole Foods, in the liquor section. And because god was cruel, he heard an all-too-familiar voice. "Oh! Oh my god! Sebastian!"

Sebastian started to move away but he was blocked in by three other customers in the aisle. He flinched as Trent Nixon came up to him. Trent came in town for work regularly from New York, and of course he was in town today, of all days, and here, of all heres.

"Hello there, you!"

Sebastian looked like a deer in the proverbial headlights. "Hey. Gotta run." He pushed past Trent, his long legs accelerating.

Trent was dumbfounded. "Sebastian!"

Blaine put his basket of Pringles, Ruffles, Oreos, and Famous Amos on the counter in front of the cashier. He ordered firmly, "Give me one of those tequila bottles." The young clerk looked at him questioningly. "The big one. Give me a big one."

The clerk looked at him with trepidation, but complied.

"That's fine," Blaine said grumpily. Then he leaned toward the clerk. "Listen, sir. What brand would you smoke if your wife cheated on you?"

The clerk was deadpan and let an awkward pause pass. "Newports."

Blaine clarified darkly, "For the last 10 years."

"Luckies."

Thirty minutes later, Blaine was recovering from a coughing fit in the backyard of the beach house. He stubbed the cigarette on his plate of cupcakes and poured the tequila onto the bowl of ice cream in front of him, shuddering after a spoonful.

When he went to put the ice cream away, he noticed a brown paper bag in the door of the freezer marked "Serenity Tea." After he had made it, he brought it into the living room, where he opened the leather journal next to him and began to write.

I bought this journal to document this summer. Rachel and I were going to go to China to see the Beijing Opera and the biggest Buddhist temple in the world I was going to find insight and inner peace for the next chapter of my life, now that my boys don't need me as much. I was going to find inspiration for performing and maybe even writing music, for tranquility for the new challenge of juggling the demands of working parent life. I'm so grateful to Sam for introducing me to yoga, it has kept me sane over the years. The temple in China has a two-day silent retreat of meditation and breathwork. You cleanse with only tea leaf rice wraps, tamari seaweed, and ginseng acai ginkoba tea cleanse.

Not speaking encourages acknowledgment of thoughts before letting them go, an opportunity for mindfulness of body, mind, spirit. Yoga at the retreat opens you up to this experience.

Now I will have to take my boys alone, and even before China I need my meditation and yoga practice more than ever to help me find my way. And tea, too. I found some!

He pushed back from the kitchen island to get a mug, pouring tea into it. He took a sip and yelped, shuddered. "Ugh!" He picked up his phone and opened his reminders app.

To-Do:

Sebastian walked in to find Blaine laying on the floor in a twisted position, folded in half over a large bolster pillow, taking noisy Darth Vader-like inhales and chanting exhales."Hhhooghh… Ohhhmmmm….Hhhooghhhh...Ohhhmmmm….Hhhooghhhh...Ohhhmmmm…."

Sebastian came in with his arms crossed, looking irritated: "What are you doing here?" he called from across the foyer and living room to where Blaine was at the open glass doors.

Blaine sat up and grumbled a little drunkenly, "You mean in my house?"

Sebastian arched an eyebrow at him. "This is my house, too. And you don't want to hang around me, not when I'm like this. You need to get out. I'm pretty sure even Berry will tell you the same. When Jesse told me we were going in on this place together, I told him we could not be here at the same time with you."

Blaine grew defensive. "Oh, really? Because I had Rachel actually write that into the contract."

Sebastian's eyes narrowed at him in disbelief. "No, you didn't."

Blaine glanced to one side, annoyed. "No, I didn't. But you were being a jerk. So I was being one back. I can be a jerk, too."

Sebastian rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, "Sure, Teenage Dream." He grew impatient. "I'll give you 500 bucks to leave. Go check into a hotel or something."

Blaine crossed his arms defiantly. "No."

"Come on, leave me alone, go talk about your feelings with one of your fifty thousand Facebook friends," Sebastian spat out in frustration. "You'll be fine. I need the space."

Blaine scowled and bit back. "You have no idea if I'll be fine. I lost my best friend. You don't even like Jesse."

Sebastian drew himself still straighter, his large green eyes growing a little glassy. "Huh, turns out you can be a jerk." He added fiercely but not without a tiny waver in his voice, "You don't know us, so you can shut the fuck up."

Blaine stared at him - he'd never seen Sebastian sounding like that. He looked contrite. "I'm sorry. That was wrong of me."

Sebastian arched an eyebrow. "Yes, it was. Now for the love of god, just go."

Blaine looked torn, but after a moment he spoke up with strength that Sebastian had to admit (to himself) that he admired. The hazel eyes looked determined. "You know what?" Blaine put his canvas shoes on. "I AM gonna go."

Sebastian looked relieved, though he was off put at the sight of cloth shoes.

"I will be back tomorrow," Blaine narrated, walking by Sebastian to get his jacket off the hook by the door. "Hopefully by then, I will have found some equanimity and I'll like you better."

Sebastian needed a drink.

Blaine saw his expression and chided, "Yoga and meditation can heal anything, Sebastian. Bless Sam for introducing yoga to me. Yoga taught me about meditation. I'm gonna go. But I will be back tomorrow. There's ice cream in the fridge."

Sebastian decided to take what he could get. He walked over to the bar. When he turned around, Blaine was gone.

Jesse was at a restaurant when his phone rang. He took a deep breath when he saw who it was. "Hello."

"Hello," Sebastian said wryly, between steady drinks of scotch. "So I get to the beach and who do I find wheezing and stretching his way to Ultimate Yoga Noise Pollution?"

Jesse wrinkled his nose. "I'm guessing Blaine."

Rachel appeared behind Jesse, coming around him to place a sandwich platter in front of him. "They didn't have turkey," she said.

Sebastian asked, "What was that?" After a brief moment he concluded caustically, "That was Berry."

Jesse stood up from the table, shaking his head. "No, no. I'm having a bite in a noisy place. So, what's up, Sebastian?"

Sebastian put his glass down. "I'm going to have this house, Jesse. You are going to talk to Secondhand Streisand and get me the other half. You owe me this. Consider it your apology gift to me. You know, the gift that says, "I've been bonking annoying vagina like a traitor for 10 years." He picked up a potato chip out of the bowl next time. "By the way, your vagina's husband's infested this place with carbs! I thought the one upside to this whole mess was that I'd never have to spend another moment of my life with Blaine Freaking Anderson. Which is another reason why you are going to get me this house."

"Husband?" Jesse asked.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Gay Husband - duh, obviously the reason why Rachel is marrying you is because she couldn't get Blaine to get it up. I've been telling people for years that it was all a sham - it happened so fast after Pig Faced Gay Face divorced him. Keep up, Pet."

"She really loved him, Sebastian." Jesse said quietly. " Loves him," he corrected himself, glancing to one side with a little unease.

"Whatever. I want him out of here TODAY. You are gonna tell Gidget the Midget this house is mine, because that's what I'm telling him when he gets back from whatever zen bullshit he is up to right now. Call me when it's done, Jesse."

Jesse knew from years of command-and-control conversations that Sebastian had hung up. He looked resigned as he put his phone in his pocket. He came back to the table and looked expectantly at Rachel, who was eating her salad. "You really don't need to feel so guilty," he said as he sat down.

Rachel looked up, a little dismayed that she had been read so easily. "Of course I'm feeling extremely guilty. I devastated someone I love very much." She leaned toward Jesse, her dark hair making a shiny curtain. "And you know what makes it even worse?"

"What?"

"I'm so happy." she said, looking a bit confused.

Jesse chuckled.

"Don't you feel even a little guilty?" she sighed.

"No," Jesse said simply.

"It must be my Judaism."

"I'm done feeling guilty for who I am," Jesse said, taking her hand across the table and pulling her in for a sweet kiss. "It's not a sin to love a woman!"

"Who says that?" Rachel said, furrowing her brow.

"The gay table at Ariana Grande's wedding."

Rachel stuck out her lip sympathetically and Jesse kissed her again.

At sunset Blaine was on the beach, tumbling down from a downward dog position. "Ooof!" he crashed down on a blanket in front of a fire, next to the partially empty box of wine and more junk food from the liquor store. He stood up unsteadily, bending backwards ill-advisedly until he fell again, but this time with a yelp of pain. "Oh! Ah! Oh, no!"

Sebastian was curled up in a fetal position on the sofa, a half empty bottle of scotch next to him on the coffee table. His phone rang and he ignored it. Blaine called again, 4 times. Sebastian finally reluctantly answered. "What."

Blaine's voice was slurred. "Don't hang up!"

Another groan. "What do you want?"

"My Skeglaggin"

"That's not a word."

"Ugh, why can't I talk?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes and spoke, own voice heavy with alcohol. "My guess is wine coolers or some other girly drink."

"I need my Sexglakkin. Damns it! Ske-flax-in. My back pills!" He sighed and babble desperately, "I messed up my back when Kurt was divorcing me and it comes back sometimes when I'm stressed. I can't move."

Sebastian groaned, then slowly stood up. "Where is it?" he asked grouchily.

"In the living room in the basket with my extra mats and blocks." Blaine groaned. "Ugh, I shouldn't have done that backbend so fast. Or so drunk."

Sebastian shook his head as he padded over to the basket. "Totally not worth it if you're not doing it for sex."

Blaine grunted. "Ugh, hurry!"

Sebastian pocketed the pill bottle. "OK, where are you, you idiot?"

Blaine slurred, "I'm trying to remember. I've had a lot of wine and I've been here a longggg time. I think the desert. But there's water here."

Sebastian scowled. "You mean the beach?"

Blaine's eyes widened. "Am I? I love the beach!"

Sebastian's arms were crossed as he approached the fire. "You have to sell me the beach house. You could just live here ," he said dryly, tossing the drugs at him.

Blaine looked up gratefully but somberly. "Thank you, I'm sorry that you came all the way out here, but I just remembered I can't take them because I've been drinking. So I just did some yoga breathwork and drank some of the tequila, and that helped my back more. Except that I feel very wavy."

Sebastian looked down at him. "Well if you're not gonna take them…" He held the pill bottle up in the moonlight to look at the label. "What are they?"

"Muscle relaxers," Blaine said, smiling beatifically.

"That might do the trick." Sebastian uncrossed his arms and sat down next to him. He grabbed Blaine's plastic bottle out of his hand, drank it down with some of the pills and shuddered violently. "Ugh! Hell, what is that, is it juice from a rotten asscheek?"

"It's wine. It came in the nice box and it was so reasonably priced..."

Blaine was staring into the night, and it was clear the alcohol was wearing off.

Sebastian looked around him and let out a gigantic sigh of frustration. "I'm sitting on a beach next to a basket of twinkies after drinking white trash wine. New low. I just finished a $400 bottle of scotch, and you managed to ruin it."

"You're welcome," Blaine replied distractedly.

Sebastian threw an arm over his eyes and laid back on the sand, his long legs splayed out randomly. "Fuckkkkkkkkk! What the hell, this is not what was supposed to happen!"

Blaine was now sitting up in a cross-legged yoga posture, his hands in prayer position. He said seriously, "Just let it all out."

Sebastian sat bolt upright. "This is why I hate being around you, you and your touchy feely bullshit, 'Everybody should follow their heart' crap and 'everybody will be just fine!' Well, everybody's NOT fine!"

Blaine said gravely, "It's your journey."

"Oh, shut up. Shut the fuck up. And you wonder why Rachel left you…"

Blaine's eyebrows raised and his hands dropped to his lap. He didn't raise his voice exactly, but his tone had some heat to it. "Oh, now you're going to blame me? Why don't you take responsibility for your own life?"

Sebastian's voice grew angrier. "I'm NOT responsible for this." He looked out at the moonlit ocean. "I did everything right. I was with him for over 20 years, I was never even going to EVER do that! But I did it because of him. I even fucking adopted children with him! I didn't know if I even wanted kids! But I did it because of him! I changed their disgusting diapers! I let him send his goddamned Christmas card photos, I didn't kiss other guys on the mouth! I played by all the rules! All while he's breaking them! There is no way he hasn't kissed her! HER! This is such bullshit!"

Blaine was looking pained but kept his reactions silent. He put his hands back in prayer position. "That's actually good, Sebastian. Acknowledge your anger and then let them go. Don't dwell in them, feel them in your whole body, then you'll be able to let them go."

Sebastian turned fiercely back to him. "Why aren't you angry?!"

"Because that's not me. That's you."

"She ruined your life! Humiliated you!"

"That's not why she did it, it's just the way she is. She probably took a long time to trust Jesse."

"She lied about everything!"

"She didn't know how to handle it."

"She abandoned you while your kids are still in school. Your kids are going to have to live in two different houses. You know you're going to end up doing EVERYTHING for the kids, right? Aren't you even angry about that?"

Blaine looked stirred up. "No."

Sebastian was truly baffled. "Why not?"

Blaine paused for a long moment. Then he finally quietly let out a forlorn, shaking sob, his posture finally bowing. "Because I'm heartbroken. " Tears were streaming down his face.

Sebastian stared at him, looking uncomfortable. His chest tightened at the sight of Blaine's sorrowful face, shiny tears dropping off of the long lashes. Jesse was the one who normally dealt with people crying. He looked around a little wildly, perking up at the sight of the bottle of tequila. He reached for it and opened it, shoved it in Blaine's hand.

Blaine was sniffing and sitting more upright again as Sebastian saying determinedly, "Don't dwell, you just said that. We're not going to let tonight turn into a bawling session." The tears were still flowing so he groped for more to say. "We're Dalton Boys, remember? We don't take shit laying down."

Blaine quieted, sipping the tequila, tears still dripping down his cheeks.

Sebastian was digging into his back pocket. "Here, this should help you more than booze can," he said, reaching over to the fire for a light.

Blaine watched him, wiping his eyes. "Cigarettes?"

"Better."

A half hour later, Blaine bouncing on his toes and sashaying around the fire, babbling happily as took drags on his joint. High!Blaine was way less annoying than regular Blaine, or maybe High!Sebastian was just more tolerant. Blaine just looked so funny. He looked so different then his bow-tied, slicked-down, buttoned up self. His careful coif was windblown, his shirtsleeves and jeans were rolled up.

"If my brother could see me now! You never met my brother!" Blaine crowed. "You weren't at my wedding, right? Either of my weddings? My brother always told me that my body was a temple but I think there's something like a cleansing smoke and this must be it because I feel so free you know?" He paused and stared at Sebastian for a moment. "I don't think you're as high as I am."

"I think it hits you faster 'cause you're smaller than me." Sebastian's smile was wider than Blaine had ever seen it. "And I have some tolerance, I take a hit before I workout a couple times a week." He took another drag.

Blaine furrowed his brow at him.

Sebastian's answer tumbled out of him as he put his joint aside and did a slow backbend to the sand. "Reduces cortisol, improves sleep...means I work out harder...get more muscle, lose more weight" Sebastian nodded at him with a simple smile on his face before he crashed down on the sand.

"THAT'S GENIUS!" Blaine said with wonderment, his hazel eyes wide as he tried unsuccessfully to do a backbend like Sebastian had, "I've gotta remember to try that!" he guffawed as he hit the ground.

Sebastian chuckled too heartily as he groped to take long hits. "One, you don't need to lose weight, especially in your ass; and two, MJ screws with your short term memory." His tongue clicked repeatedly as he stared up at the stars. "You probably won't remember anything about this stupid night...this stupid, stupid night, the night that we both got dumped. The two of US...who woulda thought?" He took another drag." You were somethin,' once, Blaine Anderson, you were the star of the Warblers, a legend waiting to happen! I AM still somethin'! Dumped. FOR VAGINA! Ain't that some shit!" He started laughing again and it morphed into that delighted Blaine immediately. Sebastian gestured for him to take lead, and he sang all the back-up acapella he could manage with the shit-eating grin that was spread all over his face, his hips swinging as he danced too, his hair as spiked as Blaine's was spiraling:

[Sebastian] Doo doo

[Blaine] Hey

[Sebastian] Do doo doo

[Blaine] Oh no no

[Sebastian] Do doo doo

[Blaine] I see you driving 'round town

With the girl I love and I'm like,

Forget you!

[Sebastian] Oo, oo, ooo

[Blaine] I guess the change in my pocket

Wasn't enough I'm like,

Forget you!

And forget her too!

Said, if I was straighter, I'd still be with ya

Ha, now ain't that some shit?

[Sebastian] Ain't that some shit?

[Blaine] And although there's pain in my chest

I still wish you the best with a

Forget you!

[Sebastian] Oo, oo, ooo

[Blaine] Yeah I'm sorry, I can't always you a Starry,

But that don't mean I can't help you there.

I guess he's an Xbox and I'm more Atari,

But the way you play your game ain't fair.

I pity the fool that falls in love with you

[Sebastian] Oh shit she's a gold digger

[Blaine] Just thought you should know nigga)

Ooooooh

I've got some news for you

Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend

I see you driving 'round town

With the girl I love and I'm like,

Forget you!

[Sebastian] Oo, oo, ooo

[Blaine] I guess the change in my pocket

Wasn't enough I'm like,

Forget you!

And forget her too!

Said, if I was straighter , I'd still be with ya

Ha, now ain't that some shit?

[Sebastian] Ain't that some shit?)

[Blaine] And although there's pain in my chest

I still wish you the best with a

Forget you!

They didn't know how late it had gotten or how many songs they had sung, or how many joints they'd smoked, but eventually they collapsed, laughing, on opposite sides of the fire. Sebastian was floating away on happy thoughts, the stars swirling above him, when he heard a "ding." He looked over and saw Blaine lying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, turning up the volume of a on his phone. "It's time to come alive, Sebastian…" he said in a eerie tone.

[Ding]

Sebastian started to chuckle low and sexy. Blaine was rising, raising up like a beautiful phoenix. This was why Sebastian had fixated so hard on Blaine when they had first met in high school. Blaine was so freaking pretty.

[Ding]

He looked majestic…. "You're like...a dragon, Blaine Warbler..." he said, loving his MJ buzz.

[Ding]

Blaine nodded his head, grinning like an idiot and slowly standing as if in a trance, his voice cutting through the night in a dramatic alto:

[Ding]

[Blaine] You stumble through your days

Got your head hung low

[Ding]

Your sky's a shade of grey

Like a zombie [Ding] in a maze

You're asleep inside

Ding

But you can shake away

'Cause you're just a dead man walking

Sebastian began to snap his fingers, and they circled the fire, staring across it at each other again, grinning with their doped up smiles.

Thinking that's your only option

But you can flip the switch and brighten up your darkest day

Sun is up and the color's blinding

Take the world and redefine it

Leave behind your narrow mind

You'll never be the same

Sebastian came around and took Blaine by the waist and drew him into a tango.

Come alive, come alive

Go and ride your light

Let it burn so bright

Reaching up

To the sky

And it's open wide

You're electrified

And you're more than you could ever be

'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open

And you know you can't go back again

To the world that you were living in

'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open

So, come alive!

The fled the fire and ran down the beach, singing and dancing like wild men.

When the world becomes a fantasy

I see it in your eyes

You believe that lie

That you need to hide your face

Afraid to step outside

So you lock the door

But don't you stay that way

[Sebastian] No more living in those shadows

You and me we know how that goes

[Blaine] 'Cause once you see it, oh you'll never, never be the same

[Both] We'll be the light that's shining

Bottle up and keep on trying

You can prove there's more to you

[Blaine] You cannot be afraid

[Both] Come alive, come alive

Go and ride your light

Let it burn so bright

Reaching up

To the sky

And it's open wide

You're electrified

When the world becomes a fantasy

And you're more than you could ever be

'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open

And we know we can't be go back again

To the world that we were living in

'Cause we're dreaming with our eyes wide open

So, come alive!

Come one!

Come all!

Come in!

Come on!

[Sebastian] To anyone who's bursting with a dream

Come one!

Come all!

You hear

The call

[Blaine] To anyone who's searching for a way to break free

Break free!

Break free!

When the world becomes a fantasy

And you're more than you could ever be

'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open

And we know we can't be go back again

To the world that we were living in

'Cause we're dreaming with our eyes wide open

(Hey!)

The next morning they were still on the beach, Sebastian was lying face down, one cheek on his hand, making grunting noises at the rustling at the sound of the birds and ocean waking them.

Blaine glanced over at him and then out in the distance. "See those two birds?"

"Can't really see anything right now." Sebastian said, squinting and hauling himself up to sit next to Blaine.

Blaine pointed. "Over there. They look like they really love each other, don't they?"

Sebastian shook his head, shaking sand off of himself. "You're reading into it. Do birds mate for life?"

Blaine said bitterly, "No one does. Whichever one of you is the gentleman bird don't trust her! She'll break you in two and leave you crumbled in the dirt! Save yourself! Fly away! Fly away!"

Sebastian nodded. "They can't say you didn't warn 'em, killer."

Blaine took a deep breath and said thoughtfully, "I think I am a little angry."

Sebastian looked a little relieved. "You are?"

Blaine nodded. "Yeah, at myself. I mean, there were times...and I just thought….. I guess I should've known something wasn't…. But I couldn't. I ignored it."

Sebastian spoke up quietly. "I walked into Jesse's study yesterday, and looked at him in there, really looked at him, for the first time in I don't know how many years." His voice grew more tragic than Blaine had ever heard it. "It was right there, in front of my face the whole time. Where was I? I missed it." He laid back down on his back looked down at him and took his hand. "Let's go back."

"Nope. Horizontal is good."

"You can do it." Blaine said, pulling at him. "We'll get pastries.""Fine."

Sebastian groaned and they stumbled their way back to the beach house, leaving the tequila, the box of wine, and the twinkies for the birds.

"Wow, I must have half the beach in my shoes."

"If you ever wore socks, it wouldn't be so bad."

An hour later, they brought mugs of tea and coffee out and brought chairs to the large glass accordion doors to overlook the water. They were both a bit morose-looking again.

Blaine reached over to get his mug and realized that it had a picture of Rachel on it. It had been sent to her by a fan. He stood up and went over to a drawer, came back with a Sharpie marker, and drew a mustache on his wife's face.

He and Sebastian laughed together.

"Are we still high?"

"Probably not. But maybe still drunk." Sebastian smirked. "Do you think if I pee on Scarlett Johansson it would make us feel better?" They laughed harder.

There was a long pause until their expressions settled into unease.

"Now what?"


	2. The Credit Cards

A week later Sebastian and Blaine were sitting dejectedly in their bathrobes at the beach house's round dining table. Blaine's phone rang over and over, making Sebastian scowl at the photo of Rachel's smiling face that showed on the screen.

Blaine hit "ignore," and glanced over at Sebastian with a sigh. "It's hard to breathe, isn't it?"

Sebastian didn't look at him, just continued to stare straight ahead, posture slumped. He said woodenly, "Maybe I'll shave."

"Why?"

Sebastian shrugged, his face blank. "It's something to do."

Blaine lay his head down on the table and he looked like a basset hound puppy. "I don't feel like a person."

"Maybe I'll go back to bed." Sebastian looked over at the staircase, looking a little like an oversized puppy now, too.

Blaine's voice was half muffled by the hand his face was resting on. "I wish I could go back to bed. All I can do is slink under this table. Or maybe I can crawl in a hole. Maybe some tourist kids have dug a hole to play in out on the beach. I'd like to crawl into one of those for about a month."

Sebastian wasn't listening. He muttered to himself, " I don't know what to do..."

Blaine's voice was still muffled, but it had a calm tone that soothed Sebastian's humiliation a little: "Breathe."

Sebastian took in a deep breath.

…

Jesse let out a deep breath. He looked up from his bed to the ceiling with tired relief. "This is the first time in 10 years I feel like I could breathe."

Rachel kicked off her shoes and snuggled up next to him, saying with happy disbelief, "I can't believe I can climb out on the roof and shout out, "I am in love with Jesse St. James and he loves me, too! I wasn't just an experiment in high school, he's bisexual! He really is!"

Jesse wrinkled his brow as he gave her an amused little smile. "No climbing on the roof, it would end up on YouTube so fast. Then Sebastian would come murder us even faster."

Rachel laughed, then looked a little worried.

...

Blaine had managed to get dressed into cropped, slim cut khakis and a soft, fitted polo shirt. He had moved into the converted study, where his yoga mat, lavender candles and Bose sound system created his meditation/flow environment. Laying on his back, he scrolled through ITunes to find his "Let It Out" playlist. He ignored his phone when it started to ring again, not wanting to lose his place.

Sebastian had indeed shaved and showered, gotten dressed in a Burberry henley shirt and chinos, and was laying on the couch with one long arm thrown over his eyes. "She's gonna keep calling."

"I'm gonna keep not answering," Blaine said with a haughty expression. "It's not as satisfying as hanging up on her would be, but I want to save that for when she calls the landline, so I can bang the phone and hurt her cute little ears." He began to sing dramatically, still flat on his back from the yoga mat. "My HEAD, is saying, FOOL FORGET HER... my heart is saying. DON'T LET GOOOOO…."

"Really, you're recycling your break-up songs?" Sebastian rubbed his temples and walked upstairs to change clothes again - just have something else to do.

When he came back down he found Blaine on the patio, standing on the teak dining table, making really dramatic faces as he sang:

"Oh, take a look at me NOW,

Well, there's just an EMPTY space

And you coming BACK to me

is against the odds and that's what I've got to face!"

Sebastian knocked his head against a wall.

The doorbell rang and the phone rang. Sebastian's brow furrowed. "What the hell? No. Don't answer it."

Blaine picked up the landline phone. "Who is it?"

Sebastian ordered in an urgent whisper, "Whoever it is, don't let them in."

Tina said over the phone, "It's us, honey. Me and Sam."

Sam could be heard, a little muffled. "Tina is the one who decided to drop in without warning you. She made me come."

Blaine broke into a wan smile.

Tina continued with kindness, "We're here just to give you a hug and make sure you're okay."

Sebastian waved his hands like a police officer stopping traffic. "Not okay! Not okay!.

Blaine's hand still covered his heart with in a grateful gesture as he said into the phone, "Can you hold on a second? I'll be right with you." He turned to Sebastian with irritation. "What is your problem?!"

"What are they doing here?"

"They dropped by to see me!"

Sebastian's was baffled and annoyed. "Who drops by? You call. You make a plan. You set it up weeks in advance and then you cancel three times. Shouldn't they leave you alone and give you some space out of respect for our situation? How do they not see that that's what we need right now?"

Blaine looked at Sebastian with some exasperation. "That's not what we need right now! What we need right now is friends." He pressed a button on the phone to buzz the automated gate open.

He looked up for a response but Sebastian was gone. Blaine shook his head and headed for the door.

Sebastian was in the closet calling Alice.

Alice picked up the phone while carrying a wet towel to a little girl. "Hey, Papa. How are you?" she asked distractedly.

Sebastian's brow furrowed. "Oh, I don't know, but…"

Alice called out, "Madison! No! Don't don't touch that. The box clearly states ages six and over. Sorry, I'm babysitting, remember? Go ahead, Papa. Sorry."

Sebastian shook his head and sighed. "You have GOT to help me get this curly haired singing-yoga-hobbit out of here. There are PEOPLE in my house. They're here to see Blaine...His friends thought it was okay to just DROP BY! And not even like, Warbler friends, public school ones! The one with the lips and Rachel's agent, the huffy Asian one." He peeked out of the closet and tiptoed out and across a walkway.

Alice looked surprised. "Wait, Uncle Blaine is still there? How are you guys..."

Sebastian nodded violently. "I know, right?!"

Sam opened the front door and poked his head inside. "Blaine!"

Tina called from behind Sam. "Blainey-days?"

Blaine approached them, teary eyed, his voice solemn. "I appreciate you coming, guys."

Sam's nose wrinkled. "Oh man, you look like crap."

Tina swatted at Sam. She wanted to contradict him but when she looked at Blaine she just couldn't. "Ugh, you do zlook terrible, honey. Yikes."

Blaine said tiredly, stumbling over his words, "Thank you for coming...I...It's just, I feel…It's hard."

Tina nodded supportively, "Yes."

Blaine sighed and mumbled on, "And everybody tries to...But it doesn't work. Because there...It's...I know that...but...and it's so...and…" He finally finished lamely, "I'm so tired."

Tina said compassionately, "Well, you just lean on us today."

Sam put his arms around Blaine and pulled him close. "Yes, like I leaned on you when Tina broke up my relationship with Jillian."

Tina shook her head, "Well, I'm pretty sure she stole the silverware out of my house."

Sam patted Blaine's head, which was leaning on his chest. "She did not. Well if she did, it wasn't actual silver. Just that shiny stuff from like, Crate and Barrel." He looked at Blaine keenly. "Now, do you want to vent, you want to sing, you want to make puppets, or do you wanna get revenge? Maybe we can make new Nightbird and Chameleon suits. Or broga. Broga?!"

Blaine wasn't paying attention. He looked faraway before he turned to them slowly. "Who told you I was here?"

"Rachel told us," Tina replied.

"She's just worried about you," Sam said earnestly.

Blaine looked jaded. "Such a humanitarian. I can't wait to see her in her next fake charitable thing. Maybe she'll revive "Broadway Bitches" for her own purposes again."

…

Sebastian was pacing in the kitchen. "I've got to get him out of here."

Alice hugged the 2 year old in her lap. "Well, maybe he just needs a little nudge."

"That's what Kara said."

"Kara actually talked to you about this? No way."

Sebastian shrugged. "Texted. And I don't even think it was meant for me. It started with "'Sup, bee-yotch?' I wrote back, 'Wrong bee-yotch."

Alice chuckled. "Ha! Good one, Papa. Wait, did you punish her? Please tell me you remembered to punish her, because it's only fair..."

"Yes, yes…"

Blaine's voice could be heard down the hallway. "Sebastian?"

Sebastian looked panicked. "Crap. They're coming. I gotta go hide. Bye." He ducked behind the kitchen island.

Blaine called as he, Tina, and Sam walked in, "Sebastian! Come say hello."

"We can see you," Sam said with amusement, on his tiptoes to see over and around the island.

Sebastian opened the cabinet on the island and bumped his head as he stood up with a pot. "Hey," he said, attempting cool.

"He can't cook," Blaine said, shaking his head. "But he needs friends."

Tina said with a polite smile, "Hi, Sebastian. Sam and I want to take you guys to lunch."

Sebastian shook his head and said evenly, "Oh, no, thanks."

Sam's smile was friendly. "You have to eat."

"No." Sebastian was deadpan.

Blaine's mouth twisted to one side in puzzlement. "It's true, actually, he doesn't really eat. It's a mystery."

Tina was persistent. "Come on, go with us - I can help you. Have you gotten a lawyer yet? Because I know every divorce lawyer in the state."

Sam added, "'Cause she's used most of them."

…

Tina was scrolling through her contacts on her phone at the nearby restaurant. "Nope." She scrolled more and stopped. "Uh-uh." She scrolled further. "Oh, here's the one for you: Victoria Bates-Ainsworth."

Sebastian looked past Tina out at the blue skies. His voice was shrewd as he turned to look at the table. "Sounds English. Jesse's always been afraid of English women. His mother is English. Bates-Ainsworth..."

"Aaand now I'm picturing Norman Bates' mom," Sam said with a shudder.

"Not far from it." Sebastian replied sourly.

Tina smiled and gestured emphatically. "Well, that's good, because Victoria is THE best. She will have Jesse's lawyer crying in the parking lot in his car."

Sebastian nodded. "Then let's call her first, then." He paused when the waiter moved to clear his martini. He batted the young man's hand away and sucked down the rest of the large glass, handing over his black card as he did.

Tina and Sam objected. "No, no, no, we're supposed to be taking you."

"It's on us."

Sebastian shook his head and waved the waiter away, black card pressed firmly in his palm. "Please. You have no money," he said, looking at Sam. "And Jesse hasn't robbed me blind with alimony yet."

They sat in a fairly comfortable silence for a few moments before Blaine spoke up. "You work with Jesse. Did you guys know he wasn't gay?"

Tina replied unequivocally, "No."

Sebastian studied her, wondering if she was lying. He wondered if everyone knew. Everyone but him.

Tina took Blaine's hand from across the table. "I was shocked. I swear." She looked over to try to reassure Sebastian, but he avoided her eyes.

Blaine looked to Sam, who shrugged and said, "After all these years with you and Tina, I think everyone is gay."

Tina said sincerely, "Nobody knew about them. We all thought you and Rachel were the perfect couple."

Blaine winced at the word "perfect," and the sound of his phone ringing again agitated him more. "Stop calling!" he muttered.

The waiter returned. "Sir. Your credit card was declined."

Sebastian looked at him like he'd grown three heads. "What are you talking about? Do you even know who I am?"

Tina gently put her hand on Sebastian's, her brown eyes suddenly knowing. "It's…" she paused and let go of his in the face of Sebastian's irritated expression.

Irritation gave way to disbelief, and Sebastian stared across the the room and out the window. "Oh, damn...that bastard." He turned to Blaine. "Try yours," he commanded.

Blaine was confused. "What?"

️️

Tina gave Sam a knowing look, but Sam looked as confused as Blaine.

Sebastian took the bill from the waiter and opened it in front of Blaine. "Here. Give him your credit card."

"But our friends are taking us to lunch…let them do it, they want to..."

Sebastian stuck his hand inside of the front of Blaine's blazer.

Blaine yelped, "Sebastian!

"Hey," Sebastian said to the waiter, pulling out a credit card from Blaine's wallet and handing it over with the bill. "You certainly didn't let your pecs go," he said absently to Blaine.

Blaine crossed his arms over his chest and gave Sebastian a baffled look. "What is wrong with you, why can't you let Tina and Sam pay?"

Sebastian looked at Tina with a knowing glance and then gave Blaine a shrewd look. "Jesse cut off my credit card. He's paid our bills from the start, the control freak didn't trust my bookkeeper." He took a long drink from his martini, his face still half in the glass as his long arm grabbed a passing waiter. "I'm switching to your most expensive scotch. Keep it coming," he ordered.

Blaine looked at him with confusion. "Why would he cut off...?"

Tina patted Blaine's forearm. "That way you can't make a big purchase until the assets are split up. Like a... 'screw-you-Lexus.'"

Sebastian took a deep breath, looking disgusted. "Or a fuck-you lunch, apparently," he said, rolling his eyes.

Sam's eyes were wide and indignant. "Dude, seriously? I can't believe Jesse would do that to him, that sucks!"

Blaine shook his head. "Rachel wouldn't do that to me."

…

"I shouldn't have done that to him." Rachel gripped her phone tightly as she started to pace Jesse's office. I _never_ should have let you convince me to do this."

"Rachel, we didn't do anything wrong. We just did what our lawyer told us to do. She said everyone does it, especially with parties like Blaine who have a history… And you saw how angry Sebastian was, when he's emotional he can really do damage, believe me, I know!"

"We aren't "everyone." I should have _warned_ him." She was quiet for a moment. "We talk about everything. That's how we do things…" Her brow furrowed. "_Did_ things." She winced as she corrected herself again, "_Do_ things."

Jesse shrugged. "You tried calling him. How can he expect you to tell him something if he won't answer your calls? That's not fair."

Rachel put her face in her hands. "I feel terrible."

Jesse stood up and put his arm around her. "So which is better - terrible with me, or terrible without?"

Rachel looked at him with a bittersweet expression. "Terrible with."

Jesse kissed the top of her had. "Then trust me."

…

The waiter had just returned to the table "Uh, this one isn't good either."

Blaine shook his head with disbelief. "That little..."

"Bitch. You can say it," Sam said, still looking perturbed. "That little bitch…"

"Which one?" Sebastian said darkly.

Tina gave her card to the now uncomfortable looking waiter. "Here, take my card. Thank you very much." She turned back to Blaine and Sebastian. "So, Jesse and Rachel are moving fast. Are they living together yet?"

Blaine shook his head, "No. Rachel's very old-fashioned."

Sebastian arched an eyebrow. "Santana said she popped her Berrycherry at 17 with Hudson, hmm, that's very old-fashioned."

Blaine gave him a chiding look. "I really don't think YOU can judge, when did you tell me you lost your virginity?"

"I'm not judging her! I'm just saying you can't call her old fashioned."

Tina gave them both pointed looks. "Hey Warblers, focus. You need to get in your homes. Take possession. That way, they cannot kick you out if you're in there."

Sebastian shook his head, glancing at Tina. "I don't want my home. It was always more his than mine, he decorated the hell out of it. Our guest bath has an Amazing Technicolor shower curtain. I'll go to the beach house, that was always more me." He grimaced at his continued train of thought. "He used to go to the girls' Disney Princess bedroom tent to relax. Seriously, can any of you blame me for thinking he was super, fucking, duper gay?!"

Blaine was putting his credit card back in his wallet, still looking a bit stunned. "I love my house. Our boys have been there since they were babies. Everything good that ever happened to me happened in that house."

Sebastian looked suddenly optimistic. "You should go there." He turned to Tina. "Right, Tina?

"Yes," Tina nodded.

Sebastian continued with conviction. "You should go live there. Tina says! And she's been divorced 8 times."

"Three." Tina corrected him.

Sebastian reached over and squeezed Blaine's arm. "Go take your house. Yes. Come on, go get it!"

Blaine nodded, with growing engagement. "Yes!"

"Right now! Come on!" Sebastian dragged Blaine to his feet.

"I haven't finished my pasta!"

"Carbs are never the answer, Killer."

...

Jesse rented his office from Santana, who owned a suite of offices where she worked as a music producer. In the shared conference room, she looked at Rachel and Jesse with disbelief. "You cut off their credit cards?!"

Rachel looked ashamed. "I know. We're terrible. He's going to see it as a hostile act."

Santana rolled her eyes. "That's because it IS a hostile act."

Jesse looked uncertain. "Maybe him not calling you back is a hostile act. Or worse, a tactic. To keep you from moving forward with the divorce."

Rachel said stoutly, "He's not that devious."

Santana, tapped her long fingernails on the table. "No, but right about now, he's gonna be pretty pissed."

Jesse said reasonably, "Santana, the only reason we did this is because Blaine has a history of impulsive spending."

Santana gave him a warning look. "Don't you talk crap about him. I'm not taking sides."

Jesse raised his hands in the air in innocence. "It's not a judgment. Some people are just... emotional purchasers."

Rachel was looking away to remember, "I guess so...but nothing big..."

Jesse's eyebrows lifted. "When Alex was suspended he bought a ten thousand dollar baby grand piano. And when Mikey went to sleepaway camp for the first time, what was it he got?"

"Depressed. And a tuba." Rachel answered glumly.

Jesse said sensibly, "We just don't want any of that." He turned to Rachel and patted her hand. "As soon as you're able to get in touch with him you'll feel better."

Rachel's phone rang. "Hello?" her voice was quiet and tentative.

"HOW COULD YOU, RACHEL?!" Blaine's voice was loud and choked, and growing more and more indignant. "I'm going to my house. Did you hear that? MY house. And you know what else? I'm going to throw your clothes out on the driveway like Angela Bassett in _Waiting to Exhale_."

"No, he's not!" Tina called over the phone. "And he's definitely not setting them on fire like in that movie!" She hissed at Blaine, "Do not give her lawyer any ammunition!"

Blaine pouted. "Fine. But at least I'm going to…" he slammed his phone down on the table a few times.

Rachel jerked the phone away from her ear at the noise. "Blaine?" she shouted into the phone

"I'M HANGING UP ON YOU!"

...

Sebastian headed out of the restaurant before the others, stepping to one side to call Alice.

"Hi Papa, are you almost here? Kara said they are actually already done so we can get her anytime."

Sebastian was so laser focused that he didn't hear her at all. "Princess, I need you to do me a favor. Go to the house and bring some of my clothes and things over to Blaine's. ASAP."

Alice looked puzzled as she paused from her science notebook. "You know I can't drive yet, right? I'm _still_ 12."

"Call Paolo."

"_Your_ driver? You always said we couldn't call him." Alice stopped her scrolling on her laptop through the class website. "Wait. You're moving into Uncle Blaine's?"

Sebastian shook his head with disgust. "No, of course not. I'm settling Blaine into his house and then I'm going back to the beach. Alone. Finally. With my stuff. My stuff, that you are gonna move from Paolo's car, to my car. I'm just calling ahead to save time."

Alice bit her lip. "Uh...okay. Now?"

"Yes, now." Sebastian was emphatic.

Alice's eyes widened and she shut the laptop. "Okay. No problem. So we'll just skip fencing today, then. I am totally there for you, Papa." She guzzled from a large Starbucks cup, "Yep...and I am just going to call Jack, and see if Uncle Jeff can pick up Money from the groomers. And... I'll call Mark and tell them we won't be at fencing today. And...I will do my homework in the car. Uh-huh, okay. Go ahead, Papa, give me your list."

"My briefcase, Some clothes - make sure to bring at least...4 suits and dress shirts, and comfortable jeans and running clothes. And my toiletry bag from the left drawer in my bathroom - it's already packed, I always keep it ready to go. And ties. And my glasses, my robe. And my electric toothbrush. And my iPads and Airpods and...cuff links. And my Stanford lacrosse hoodie."

Alice had opened her laptop up and was typing furiously. "Ok, alright, got it, lacrosse hoodie, got it."

"Don't forget socks, underwear, the Alexander Hamilton biography from the study, my slippers. And, your Dad's head on a platter."

"I love you, Papa."

"Thanks, Princess."

Sebastian saw Tina, Sam and Blaine come out of the restaurant. Sam waved at him and Sebastian stage whispered, "bye," and waved a hand at them. "Appreciate the help," he said seriously to Tina.

Tina waved back and then she and Sam hugged Blaine, a tight group hug.

"I love you guys. Bye. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"You can do this, Blaine."

Sebastian was wrapping up with Alice. "That's it for now. Thanks again, Princess. Ok, see you there."

He handed his car keys to Blaine. "5 drinks in."

Blaine sighed. "If carbs are never the answer, neither is scotch, Sebastian."

...

Alice was heading to Jesse's study, having not had luck finding the Alexander Hamilton biography in Sebastian's.

Kara's voice came in loudly over Alice's Airpods. "I just don't get it. Why does he only call you? He never ever calls me if he needs something."

"You didn't even stop to really talk to him at all this week."

"Texting is the same. And I even used the beating heart emojis!"

"Texting is not the same. Do you really not see a connection as to why he might not reach out to you?"

"Ish," Kara sulked.

Alice, now looking around Jesse's desk for the book, stopped still. "Ugh."

"What?" Kara asked.

Alice lifted a delicate name engraved gold chain in the air. "It's a 'Rachel' necklace. Just lying on his desk. I guess they don't have to hide anything anymore."

Kara was silent, for once.

…

Alex answered his phone as he walked across the city parks and recreation department parking lot. "Hey,"

Mikey tried to sound casual. "Hey, man, how's it going?"

Alex shrugged, "Well, I spent the whole time getting balls hit at me every time Mr. Higgins' back was turned."

"So...it's nice they feel comfortable teasing you." He took a deep breath. "Listen, Auntie Snix warned me that Dad is really upset with Mom about some divorce stuff, and he's not even talking to her. So naturally, she's going over there to try to talk to him."

Alex didn't look too bothered. "Well, Mom's really good at that stuff. She'll be able to calm him down."

"Jesse's going too."

Alex's eyebrows shot up. "Well, that's gonna be an Infinity War situation."

"Yep, half of them are gonna die," Mike replied.

Alex bit his lip. "Dad's gonna end up buying a whole marching band."

Mikey shook his head. "Nope. He can't. They cut off his credit cards."

Alex grimaced. "Oh man. How do you even know that?"

"Auntie Snix told me - she is so inappropriate. Look, um, we promised that we would be there for him. And I can't leave choir practice. So I need you to go."

Alex looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yes." Mikey hoped he wouldn't regret this.

Alex drew himself straighter. "Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. Let me just take a look at the bus map."

Mikey shook his head. "That is going to take forever. I'll send an Uber over."

…

Jesse and Rachel stood at Rachel and Blaine's house front door. Rachel rang the doorbell.

Jesse looked a bit agitated. "Why don't you just go in?"

Rachel squirmed. "I don't want him to feel like I'm barging in."

Jesse contended, "This is your house. You still live here."

Blaine looked through the glass panes on either side of the red door. He opened the door a crack, looking past Rachel to make brief eye contact and give the smallest polite smile to Jesse. "Sebastian, Jesse's here!" he called over his shoulder, pointedly ignoring Rachel.

Rachel held her hands in prayer position, saying beseechingly, "Blaine, Blaine...you have to…"

Blaine closed the door in her face.

Rachel shouted through the glass. "I'm sorry. I should never have let this happen before talking to you."

Blaine opened the door a crack to say icily. "I'm confused. Are we talking about the affair or the credit cards?"

Rachel gave him a guilty, injured look.

Blaine said in a cooly casual voice, "Oh, by the way. You got a box from Zappos. I ran over it."

Rachel swallowed. "I saw," she said, wrinkling her nose at the cardboard and faux fur roadkill on the driveway.

Sebastian appeared. He looked coldly at them, but he pulled the door open to let them in. Blaine immediately made a beeline for the formal living room, and Rachel followed him.

Jesse stood awkwardly behind a dining room chair. "Hello, Sebastian."

Sebastian grunted a little, shoving his hands in his pockets. "What are you doing here?" he asked, unemotionally.

"I just came with Rachel."

"Yeah. I put that together, Skidmark." Sebastian paced the room for a moment, then looked up to trap Jesse in his piercing green gaze. "Thanks for the heads up on the black card."

Jesse looked contrite. "I'm sorry. But you know how this works. Remember Trent's divorce?"

And with that, Sebastian lost his cool. "You are apologizing and comparing me to TRENT, all in one breath? It's like you _want_ me to beat the living crap outta you, without witnesses in aprons this time." He pulled himself together again, combing a hand through his hair. "If you want war, I can call Victoria Bates-Ainsworth right now."

Jesse's wrinkled his nose. "Tina's Victoria Bates-Ainsworth? Sam said she punched a service dog in the face once."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. "That sounds about right. Hell, I could probably represent myself in this, I know enough about it from my dad's divorces. So yeah, we can beat each other up, if you want. We can make this really painful. Is that what you want?"

Jesse said quietly, "You know I don't want that."

Sebastian crossed his arms, willing his voice not to shake. "Well, what do you want? Because this isn't you negotiating a contract with some studio or producers who want to screw you over. This time, the person on the other side of the table is _ME_, the person you called your husband for _twenty_ years. The father of your baby girls. _I'm_ the one on the other side of the table. So how do you want to handle this?"

Jesse looked unsure. "I don't know."

...

In the living room, Rachel was trying to explain. "I was trying to call you to talk you through the process." She sat down next to Blaine, who was looking at a magazine, his head turned away from her. "Will you look at me, please?"

Blaine said disdainfully, "Excuse me, I'm _reading_."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You're not reading…" She reached around him to look at the cover of the magazine. "You're not reading _Women's Health_."

Blaine replied scornfully, "I have surprises too, Rachel. You're not the only one with a secret life."

Rachel's eyes narrowed at him. "You're secretly a woman?"

Blaine threw the magazine down. "What I hate is that barely a week after you've wrecked my life, you've already moved on to the legal and to lawyers and stopping credit cards."

Rachel threw her hands in the air. "As soon as I serve you and you respond, you start getting temporary spousal support. And that's really good. It's always better than the regular support, everyone says!"

Blaine came back at her, arms crossed. "So you're gonna screw me over in the regular support?"

Rachel gestured wildly. "No! I want YOU to screw ME over! Have your lawyer rake me over the coals and light my hair on fire!" She paused. "Wait, don't do that. But you can light my extensions on fire."

Blaine threw a pillow at her.

…

Outside the house Kara and Alice are getting out of the Town Car with Sebastian's things.

Alice struggled with the bags. "He is not gonna be happy that we put his stuff in trash bags."

Kara leaned against the car, looking sardonic. "I'll text him a beautiful apology."

Alice opened Sebastian's car and dumped the last of the trashbags in it. "Thank you for helping," she said flatly to her sister.

"You're welcome!"

Alice was striding up the stairs from the driveway to the house.

Kara followed her. "Can you slow down for two seconds and wait for your big sister? By the way, I'm not going in there when we -"

Alice looked over her shoulder to glare at her sister. "Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"We're checking on Papa. He'll like that you're here."

A Lyft pulled up the driveway and Alex got out of the car.

Alice looked down the stairs at him in horror. "Oh, Jesus. Alex's not grounded anymore?"

Kara huffed out a chuckle. "How much enforcement of that do you think is happening right now?"

Alice looked disturbed. "So he's allowed to just walk the streets?"

Kara's eyes widened . "Oh, you haven't seen him since he went all 'Say Anything' on our front lawn, huh? Oh, this is gonna be good." She waved at their friend. "Alex! Hey!"

Alex came up wearing his sweet smile. "Hi, Kara. Good to see you!"

Kara hugged him. "Good to see you, too!"

Alex looked from one of the girls to the other. "So what exactly is going on in there?"

Kara shrugged. "I don't know, but Alice is super happy to see you." She pivoted away and stepped toward the Town Car, but Alice stopped her and made her stay.

Alex said tentatively, "Hi, Alice."

Alice shook her head. "No."

"We can't talk?"

"No."

Alex sighed. "Okay. I'm gonna go in there."

Kara called after him. "No! Why would you do that?"

"Because they cut off our dads' credit cards."

Alice stepped toward him in shock. "They cut off their credit car-" She stopped herself. "I'm not talking to you." She turned to her sister. "They cut off our dads credit cards!"

Alex was a little annoyed. "Come on, Alice!"

Alice was firm. "No!"

Alex was sincere. "I am so sorry. I was so stupid. I should not have done it. But I-"

Alice looked at him with disbelief. "Seriously? You're really gonna do this right now? You're really gonna make this about you when this is the first time that the four of them have been together since… since... you know…"

"Bisex...aggedon?" Alex offered.

Kara giggled. "Bi-maggedon!"

"That's better," Alex laughed.

A voice interrupted them. "Hey, guys." Mikey was walking up to them, his electric bike parked on the driveway.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Hey."

Mikey spoke slowly. "How's it going? Good to see you. So why aren't you in there?"

Alex asked, irritated, "What are you doing here? You told me to take care of this."

Mike tried to placate him. "We finished early. I mean...I'm just, you know I'm back-up."

"You're full of crap. You didn't trust me."

"Well, you _are_ standing out here. Which is not what I asked you to do."

Alex spun on his heel. "Fine. I'm going inside."

Kara jumped in front of him. "No! No! Why would you do that? Why? It's so fun outside! No adults! No one asked us to go in there."

Mikey sighed. "Technically, I did ask him."

Alice looked at her sister. "Do you really think we should stay out here? Or you just don't want to deal with this right now?"

Kara shrugged. "Two things can be true."

An SUV pulled up, with Warbler Alumni Jeff Sterling at the wheel, and his son Jack in the front seat.

Alice squinted at them from across the driveway. "What is he doing here?" She headed down to the SUV.

Kara looked excited, clapping her hands a little as she looked at Alex. "Boyfriend Jack is here!"

….

Back in the front sitting room Sebastian was wagging a long finger at Jesse, saying firmly and directly, "Here's what we're going to do. You're going to give me the beach house. You're going to take our house. The kids are going to switch between houses. I'm not going to yell, I'm not going to threaten, you're not going to cut anything off, and every time I fly off the handle and rant and rave the way you know I do, you're not going to use my words against me in a court of law, especially about custody, SO HELP YOU GOD. And every time you think about doing something because Trent did it in his divorce, you are going to remember that you lied to me, played me for a fool, lied to our children, and made me think I could trust someone enough to make fucking marriage vows in front of all of our family and friends.

Jesse's expression was soft and emotional. He said with remorse, "God, I'm an asshole."

Sebastian crossed his arms. "Is that a yes?"

Jesse nodded. "Yes. I want you to have the beach house. And I'll do everything I can to make that happen, and I'll take our house." He stopped to reflect, "Although, when you think about the resale value…"

Sebastian arched his eyebrow at him.

Jesse hung his head again. "Asshole. Got it".

...

Alice looked in the car at her dog, Money. "Hey Bubba-pooch, she said, reaching in the window to pet him in the back seat. Hi Uncle Jeff." She came around to the passenger side to make a confused face at Jack. "What are you doing here?"

Jack gave her a slightly vacant look. "You wanted me to pick up Money from the groomers…" His blue eyes dawned with comprehension. "And you wanted me to take him to _your_ house, not here. Right, that was implied. I'm an idiot. All right. We'll go home."

Alex had come up, calling over Alice's shoulder. "Hey, Jack. I'm really sorry for what I did that night."

Jack wouldn't look at Alex. He gripped his father's arm. "Let's go. NOW."

"I was so hopped up on caffeine and sugar, I didn't know what I was doing!"

The SUV drove away.

Kara came up to them. "Okay, anybody up for a Coke? Other than the guy who can't have caffeine."

Alice sighed. "I am. Yes."

Mikey nodded. "Me, too." He wavered for a moment. "Oh, you mean now? I just, really, I really should stay and talk to dad."

Alex pulled his brother's arm. "No, let me. Please.  
You asked me to take care of Dad, let me take care of Dad."

Mikey paused, then gripped his brother's hand and pulled him into a quick hug. "Ok, go get him."

...

Rachel leaned toward Blaine on the living room sofa. "I messed up in a lot of ways. But we're trying to do this right."

Blaine sniffed, "I get great comfort hearing that about you and your new fiancé."

Rachel looked distressed. "I know. I know how it sounds. But Jesse and I spent hours discussing how to do this in the fairest possible way."

Blaine looked dour. He asked coolly, "When?"

Rachel was confused. "When what?"

"When were you and Jesse discussing this? Was it last week or the week before?"

"I don't know," Rachel began nervously twisting her hair.

Blaine's tone was acerbic. "Were you talking about it last Saturday when you and I were sitting in THIS room?" He strained to make his tone light. "You know, about going to the farmer's market, maybe catching a movie?" He finished harshly, "Was that when you and Jesse were deciding to cut off my credit card?"

Rachel was flustered. "No! I didn't even want to cut off the card!"

"But you did," Blaine said with contempt.

"Because _Jesse_ was worried about your spending," Rachel said, wringing her hands.

Blaine stood up and said severely, "Get out of my house. I don't want to look at you. Go live with Jesse."

"Ok," Rachel whispered, standing up. "I'll get my stuff."

"Don't bother, I am burning it, after all."

Rachel ignored this, her mind racing now. "We weren't really ready to move in…"

Blaine said acidly, "Oh, boo-hoo. Sleep in your makeup trailer, for all I care."

Jesse came in the room. "Let's go, Rachel," he said softly.

Rachel looked at the back of Blaine, and her eyes tearful, her hands wrapping around herself as she rocked back and forth a little.

Jesse whispered again, "We should leave." Rachel came toward him. "Don't be mad at her, Blaine. It's my fault. I'm an asshole."

Blaine let out a dark chuckle and nodded.

Sebastian had been eavesdropping, but had had enough, so he went into the kitchen, where he found Alex rummaging in the tea cupboard. "Your dad stood up for himself with your mom. And he's gonna get this house," he remarked offhandedly to the boy.

Alex nodded, "He's a strong man. I heard that he was so strong in high school that everyone thought he was a junior or a senior when he was only a sophomore."

Sebastian replied, "I didn't move back to Westerville until our junior year, so all I know is that he was so flustered by how hot I was that he thought was a freshman when I was a junior."

Alex laughed, "I heard you were day drinking even back then."

Sebastian was putting away some fruit. "Just a shot in my coffee, kiddo. I had just moved from Paris where wine is like water and middle school boys watch themselves around grownups."

Alex gulped and nodded, and they continued to manage their groceries in silence.

Sebastian came into the living room where Blaine was sitting on the floor looking at a photobook, with framed family photos set up like toy soldiers facing him on the coffee table. Sebastian wouldn't stop to focus on the tableau. He looked down at the top of Blaine's curly head to say, "You're all set. There's enough food in there for an army. I threw some pot in the freezer for you, too. So, I'll get out of your way."

He had almost backed out of the room when Blaine looked up at him with a tearstained face and red eyes. His voice was choked with a sob. "Was any of it real?"

Sebastian looked torn. He strode into the room and stood over Blaine. "You're going to make new memories, Killer," he said, bending down to flip the frames downward. "New and better memories. And I'll buy you new picture frames. Tiffany ones, Baccarat, whatever you want." He wouldn't look at Blaine too hard, though. He stood up straight again, discomfort stiffening his handsome features. "Okay, so I'm going to get going. We'll talk soon." He walked quickly out of the room.

But not without hesitating in the kitchen.

…

Back in the kitchen of the beach house, Sebastian poured his scotch, wanting to feel numb again. He looked out the window, taking solace at least in the fact that he was back at this beach house. It was always therapeutic to be there, with the sound of the ocean, the wide open views of blue skies and distant mountains. It was as peaceful as he was going to get these days, he reflected as he walked out to the deck to see if he could find a game to watch on the outdoor TV.

He found Blaine with an ironing board set up in front of the televsion ironing a bowtie - in fact there was a small basket of bowties next to him.

The sound of yelling from an episode of The Gilmore Girls was blaring out over the background noise of the waves crashing.

_JACKSON: Nice! Sookie, look at this place!_

_SOOKIE: I think it looks nice._

_JACKSON: Nice. . .nice? This is nice. . .this is nice? [points to a life-sized stuffed grizzly bear]_

_SOOKIE: Well, it's masculine!_

_JACKSON: No, it's terrifying! I swear I'm gonna come out in the middle of the night for a drink of water, turn around, hit the floor and play dead!_

Sebastian looked repulsed but he asked, "Are you okay?"

Blaine said gratefully, "Yes, thank you, I will be. I just am doing what I always do when I'm blue." He began to make vocal warm-up lip-buzz noises that could only be compared to the sound of a whale honking.

In the television show a barbershop chorus began to sing. Blaine took a deep inhale before beginning to sing along with all his heart:

_Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer_

_Those days of soda and pretzels and beer_

_Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer_

_Dust off the sun and moon and sing a song of cheer!_

Sebastian turned away without a word, grumbling as he climbed the stairs, "I hate my life."


	3. The Dinner

Sebastian was at the round dining table at the beach house, the room dark except for one of the table lamps far behind him. It hadn't occurred to him to turn the overhead lights on - neither he nor Blaine remembered to unless the girls were there. The girls came each week while the boys stayed at Blaine and Rachel's house with Blaine half the week. They would have to get used to being step-siblings eventually, but that could wait until they got used to seeing their parents separately.

Sebastian looked grimly determined. His long legs were folded up in front of him, so he was hugging his knees. His laptop was in front of him and he was on the phone, a glass of scotch nearby with his Baccarat decanter ready for refills. He said seriously into the phone, "Hey, Sonal. Listen, you are gonna have to just make me an executive producer, I can't be that hands-on anymore." He paused. "Why? Because Jesse has been a lying cheat for 10 years and is divorcing me." There was a pause as he listened to the other producer speak. "Yes, yes, yes, we did. But he doesn't want 'open' any more. He wants closed. Closed with vagina." He shuddered. "He's apparently not as gay as he thought he was. He was confused, or something. It couldn't be helped, apparently, his love for vagina." He rolled his eyes and silently sighed.

…

Blaine was in the studio attached to the back of the beachhouse, at the baby grand piano. He stared at the blank sheet music in front of him. Without taking his eyes from the page, he waved all ten fingers a bit, hovering them above the black and white keys. He closed his eyes, finally put his fingers down, just placing them on the keys, not making any sound with them. He opened his eyes and looked down, finally playing two notes with his right hand - a minor chord. He sighed at the sound, and stopped.

…

Sebastian's green eyes looked to one side as he tried to sound okay. "With Rachel." He dropped his head backwards and stared at the ceiling. "Yes, that Rachel." He dropped his head forward. "Yeah, I'm fine." He jerked his head up and took a deep breath. "So anyway, if you hear of another project that doesn't involve Jesse, let me know. I'll consider backing projects, but I'd rather produce or direct." He stood up and and put his free hand on his Gucci-belted waist. "Yeah, but just because I don't technically have experience...sure." He bit his lip. "OK. Yeah. Bye."

He sat back down at his laptop and deleted the last appointment that had been on his calendar. He clicked over to the blank weeks prior and the blank weeks ahead and let out a sigh.

…

In the studio, Blaine was lying on the piano bench, one toe hovering over a key. He lowered it, little by little, but not low enough to touch. That is, until his muscles wavered and his foot came down with noisy discord on the keys. He sprang up. "I'm sorry!" he said instinctively. He heard himself and rolled his eyes, laying back down. "I'm talking to the piano. I'm officially losing it…"

…

Rachel and Jesse were unpacking groceries in Jesse and Sebastian's kitchen. Rachel asked anxiously, "What's Alice's food problem? Gluten or meat? I can't remember."

Jesse shook his head. "I don't know, it's different every month. It's ridiculous, and Sebastian indulges her. Corn, maybe?"

Rachel looked at him incredulously. "Nothing doesn't have corn. I have to rethink the whole dinner now!"

Jesse looked at her with mild concern. "Rachel, it's not 'til tomorrow. We've got plenty of time. And it'll be fine. Our families have had a million dinners together. The girls adore you."

Rachel said sullenly, "That was before they found out I was going to be their wicked stepmother."

Jesse squirmed a little as he folded up a canvas shopping bag. "You're making me nervous." He stepped over to pull some linen napkins out of a drawer. "Hey, do you remember the way Sebastian used to ask Teresa to fold these into pleats, like the front of a tuxedo shirt, kind of? Do you know how he did that?"

Rachel gave him blank expression. "No idea," she said a bit frigidly.

"Maybe we should have asked Teresa to come…"

Rachel stood still, eggplant in her hands. "Why would we need Teresa? You guys only had her because neither of you could cook."

"And because she was Sebastian's au pair when he was a kid," Jesse said, looking vaguely guilty.

"I'm here now, so you don't need her," Rachel said, a little defensively.

Jesse was distracted, pulling plates out of a cabinet. "Oh. I should wash these before we use them."

"You're using china? We're going that fancy?"

Jesse was digging for the crystal glasses, his voice muffled in the cabinet. "I just think people are on their best behaviour when they eat off china."

Rachel pulled a box of cornstarch out of the bag and said knowingly, "Clearly you've never raised boys." Then she pulled a liter of Coca-Cola from the last bag and gave Jesse a chiding look.

Jesse looked remorseful. "Oh, shit, Alex. I forgot. Doctor wants him off caffeine."

Rachel put the bottle down and covered her face with her hands. "I let you put this into the cart. I forgot, I am a terrible mother. He is hyper even when he is off caffeine. We haven't thought this through."

Jesse said reassuringly, "We're thinking it through now."

Rachel looked around the room, drumming her manicured fingers. "There's something else we're forgetting. God, what is wrong with me? I never forget. But there's something I'm forgetting. I know I've missed something. It's on the tip of my tongue. How could I forget what..."

Jesse put his hand as if he could save her from herself. "Rach, it's just a dinner. We might forget something. So what? It's fine. They're gonna be fine. We're gonna be fine."

…

Blaine banged the door shut as he walked into the beach house from the studio.

He was about to head upstairs when he heard very loud grunting noises coming from the patio.

He came over and found Sebastian, soaked through with sweat, shirtless and doing sit-ups on Blaine's best yoga mat.

Blaine looked down at him, somewhat annoyed. "My yoga mat isn't designed for that much sweat. And don't you get bored of doing so many?" His eyes widened a bit as he took in Sebastian's straining form. "So, so, so...many…" he said faintly as he put his hands on his hips, brow furrowed. Every sexy, sculpted muscle of Sebastian's gorgeous physique was working as he crunched, his impressive shoulders, biceps, forearms, pecs, abs, legs. Blaine felt a little tingle. He stopped and felt grateful he was feeling something new after all these weeks of feeling dead inside. It was a fairly inappropriate feeling, but Jesus, no one could blame him - Sebastian's anatomy could awaken every gay molecule in anyone's body.

Thankfully Sebastian's face contorted on his next crunch, taking away some of his attractiveness.

"How many have you done?" Blaine asked, shaking himself out of his trance .

"8…"

"What? No way. You're lathered in sweat . You were going when I walked through the door. You've done more than eight since I came over here."

"You only…." Sebastian panted out between crunches. "Start… Counting … when it starts...to HURT."

Blaine remembered now. "That's from Muhammad Ali," he said, half envious and half admiring.

"Been...eating...your...freaking...pastries…" Sebastian grunted loudly. "Can't...get...fat…"

Blaine stared at his sculpted pecs and ab muscles. "Oh my god you are NOT fat.'"

"I'm not fat...because...I work out."

Blaine crossed his arms. "It's mostly because you don't eat. At least tell me you do some calmer exercise too, like yoga…"

"This...is more...efficient…"

Blaine's brow furrowed. "Your body image is on the road to an eating disorder…"

Sebastian paused and said with irritation, "You know what? I think your puppets are calling you."

Blaine flinched a little and crossed his arms tighter, muttering to himself, "No, but I was talking to my piano so you're not far from it…"

"What?" Sebastian had started up his crunches again.

"Nothing," Blaine said, still a little hurt. "But stop, you need to stop, you're ruining my yoga mat. Get a towel or something."

Sebastian stopped, rolling over on his hands and knees and panting. "I'll slip on a towel."

"Go to the gym."

"I don't want to go to the gym. "

"They have equipment for maniacs like you. That mat will still stink even after I hose it off."

"Most guys would want me half naked and horizontal in front of them...Berry fucking ruined you."

Blaine didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a response to that. He just gestured for Sebastian to stand all the way up.

Sebastian stood up, grumbling. "Fine. I'm going to let you have your way…" he started off at a run towards the beach. "But only because 'I'm the world's greatest!'"

"Muhammad A-Smythe," Blaine said, shaking his head with just a hint of a smile.

…

The next day, Sebastian came down the stairs of the beach house, impeccably dressed in a Tom Ford suit.

Blaine was lying on the chaise lounge at the open doors to the patio, reading a book called Toxic People. "Hey, where you going?" he called.

Sebastian looked around for his car keys. "I'm done sitting around waiting for non-Jesse projects to come up. I'm going back to managing talent."

Blaine looked puzzled. "When were you ever managing talent?"

Sebastian went to the kitchen. "When Kara was first getting hot, I was her manager," he called.

Blaine followed him into the kitchen. "I thought you guys hired Thad to do that."

"I hired Thad to help me do that." Sebastian rummaged into the pantry. "He had never done it before, but 'once a Warbler always a Warbler,' Nick said."

"Did you manage anyone else?"

Sebastian wasn't really listening. "Thad helped ME make her who she is today. She wouldn't have gotten that Tom Holland movie if she hadn't been in that Selena Gomez thing which she definitely wouldn't have gotten if she had taken that shit Hallee Steinfeld debacle. It's time for me to take her to the A-list."

Blaine leaned his elbows against the kitchen island. "Huh. You would be good at it...if you knew anything about the industry...like the fact that there are no thirteen year olds on the A-list."

Sebastian looked troubled as he shoved a few Klif bars in his briefcase. "Where's my phone?"

Blaine pointed at it, half covered by the briefcase. "So, what did Kara say?"

Sebastian looked uneasy for the briefest of moments. "I'm gonna go." He picked up his briefcase and looked at Blaine as he headed for the door. "You should go back to work, too."

"I've got a job," Blaine said defensively.

Sebastian cocked his head to one side and said derisively, "Volunteering for convicts is not a job. And neither is not going to auditions. 'You can do better," he said with conviction as he opened the door.

Blaine rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. "Stay-at-home-parenting...STILL A JOB! And as for my part-time volunteer JOB, we call them rehabilitated former offenders. And I went to an audition a month ago! Or was it 2 months ago?" Blaine's mouth twisted to one side as he thought about it.

"Exactly," Sebastian said. "You can do better than that, Killer!" he called, slamming the door behind him.

Blaine looked irritated for a few moments, spinning on his heel to return to the chaise lounge. He was too stirred up to read, though - he just stared out at the ocean, and eventually it calmed him. He knew Sebastian lashed out because he was struggling. It was how he tried to stay in control. But Sebastian, tactless as he was, did usually speak the truth. Blaine could be doing better in his performing career. Being a stay-at-home dad had downshifted from a full-time job to a part-time job a year or more ago. He had drifted as his manager Ricky called him less and less often for auditions. Blaine said he would focus on writing music, but he hadn't felt inspired in a long time.

When he turned away from the patio doors, his eyes landed on a photo of himself with the boys when they were babies. That time seemed so distant. Sebastian had put away all the photos of Rachel but Blaine knew she had taken this picture.

He always thought Kurt would always be the most painful memory of his lifetime - now would Rachel win that title? The fact that he was racking up horrific memories was so incredibly depressing.

He wandered the living room for a little while until he finally steeled himself to stop spinning about it all. He could do better than this, Sebastian had said. He went to his studio. If he couldn't write music yet, maybe he could at least use it to help work through all of the malaise that seemed to never want to leave. He turned on the microphone next to the stool, picked up his guitar and sang:

I dreamed a dream in times gone by

When hope was high and life worth living

I dreamed, that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid

And dreams were made and used and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tear your hope apart

As they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side

He filled my days with endless wonder

He took my childhood in his stride

But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream she'll come to me

That we will live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream

I dreamed

...

Mikey pulled his brother aside at lunch. "Should we tell Dad?"

Alex looked at him as if his ears were on fire. "Dad? Are you cray? It's just gonna make him feel bad."

Mikey took a deep breath and looked glum. "I just feel weird."

Alex said in a matter of fact tone, "It's all weird, Mikey. Mom and formerly SUPER GAY UNCLE JESSE have been having an affair for TEN years and they're making us sit through the most awkward dinner ever."

Mikey looked sly. "I can top that. Your crush is gonna be there."

Alex looked irritated, not dignifying his brother's teasing with an answer.

"Ignore me all you want, she's still mad at you."

"I know…" Alex deflated. "Ugh, crap," he swore.

...

Kara was 5 tables over, sitting down with her sister. "You do realize Alex is going to come, right?"

Alice pulled out her tupperware. "I don't want to talk about Alex."

"I know." Kara said simply. "But I do. What did you even talk about on credit-card-slay day?"

Alice ignored her. "I'm just going to go hang with Papa tonight," she said with a pointed look at her sister.

Kara threatened, "If I have to be there so do you. And Papa can't know about this. If you breathe one word of this to Papa, I will tell him who really killed Croissant."

Alice snapped, "Will you stop throwing that damned hamster in my face?!"

…

Mikey relented. "You don't have to go."

Alex looked resigned. "I do have to go. We don't have a choice. And it's important for Mom." He went on, more deliberately. "For Mom, because of her boyfriend, Uncle Jesse." He closed his eyes as he closed his lunch box. "Her boyfriend of ten years, Uncle Jesse."

Mikey said knowingly, "Mt. Alex is about to explode. Ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh KABOOM!"

Alex ignored him, raising his eyebrows as he looked off in the distance. "God, do you think whenever dad went out of town Uncle Jesse came over to our house after we went to sleep?"

Mikey covered his ears and winced.. "STOP. I don't want to picture any of this."

Alex got up. "I'll be fine once I find someone to punch."

"That's not funny yet."

…

After school, the girls walked toward their nanny Teresa's car. "Just don't talk to Papa today," Kara said.

"But what if he calls?"

Kara said emphatically, "If he calls, there's this thing called LYING. Heard of it? Sell it."

Alice looked troubled. "Wait, Is this one of those things where you tell me not to tell him and then you get to tell him and you get to be the hero?"

Kara didn't respond.

As they approached the car they noticed Sebastian's BMW next to Teresa's. He pointed at Kara, then gestured for her to come to him. Then he made a funny face to make Alice laugh. She waved and he gave her a wink and the fond smile he reserved especially for her. "I'm taking Kara today, she'll meet you for the 2nd half of fencing!" he called.

Kara looked like she was bracing herself for something as she came up to the car. Alice waved cheerfully as she turned to Teresa's car (or rather, the car Sebastian had bought for Teresa.)

Sebastian's face softened a bit at the sight of his elder daughter's face. There was just something special about your first born. There was something special about his baby daughter, too, but...Kara was different. Maybe it wasn't even as much about her being the first born. It was more that there was something in Kara that Sebastian related to more easily. It was clear back when she was a baby and preferred to kick down towers of blocks, rather than build them. She let Jesse build them - because it was her world, and he was her beloved aide. She and Sebastian were cut from the same cloth.

He looked at her jeans as she climbed into the car. "Those are…pretty lit," he said a little too casually as he started driving.

"Where are we going?"

"My office."

Kara glanced over, cautiously. "Why?"

"I'm taking over managing your career again," Sebastian said with gusto.

Kara's eyes widened. "Oh...really?"

"Yeah, I never should have left you. I took a talented baby girl and left her in the insane beauty and entertainment industry by herself."

"With Uncle Thad. And I go to public middle school with gross BOYS, the entertainment industry is not that big of a deal in comparison, Papa."

"I let your dad talked me into public school for you. We can revisit that, too."

Kara looked down. "You shouldn't worry about me, Papa. Take care of yourself. I have plenty going on."

"What do you have going on again?"

"The Brandy Melville contract, that guest star thing on the Disney Channel, the Tom Holland movie this summer...I'm fine. I'm great."

"I can do better for you. We really need to refocus on modeling, we had fun with that. Do you even remember much about those early years? You were pretty young. I got you started with MY brand management and ad agency contacts. I want your face on Times Square billboards, where everyone can worship you," Sebastian said with ambition, turning the car left. "It's more natural having your Papa running the show, no?"

Kara hesitated. "Yeah...but what about Uncle Thad? We had a big party when you left, it was a big promotion for him. There were those crabcake things you guys like, and speeches. Mrs. Molina cried."

Sebastian's brow furrowed and he looked over. "Do we have a problem here?"

Kara squirmed a little. "No. Well, I mean, I don't know. It's just...Uncle Thad has set us up to...go in a different direction."

"What do you mean, 'a different direction?'"

"Oh, I just mean… I don't know...more...what I want?"

Sebastian gave her a confused look. "You wanted to have fun out there, that's what you said when we started. You wanted to have fun - what is more fun than your face being six feet tall?!"

Kara said earnestly, "Uncle Thad's been establishing so many contacts in New York in film. We're moving away from print. I like acting..."

Sebastian was now silent, considering this.

"I'm sorry, Papa."

"Be quiet, I need to think."

…

Blaine was on the phone with his manager. "Yes, guest stars, supporting roles, singing parts, that's all fine. I just want to get back out there more - I can get Rachel to cover the boys' schedule if we need to…" He added with an arch of his brow, "She owes me now."

After Ricky responded, Blaine nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, exactly. I don't think in this day and age, with Netflix and Amazon and Roku and all these new channels… that roles have to dry up just because I'm over forty."

…

"I can still be your manager," Sebastian said decidedly. "I didn't know anything about modelling when I got you going, Uncle Thad didn't know anything about any of this when he started."

"That was five years ago…."

"I'm five times smarter than your Uncle Thad. And five times better at negotiating. And five times better at charming the pants off people and getting them to worship me. He'll tell you that, too."

Kara let out a big sigh. "Papa…"

"What?"

"You'll crush him. If you come back, no one will see him at the agency. You're a big presence. You cast a giant shadow. He could never come out from underneath that. If you came back, he'd be completely left in the dust. I don't think you know what that feels like."

"I think I'm beginning to," Sebastian muttered.

Kara added, "And yes, he didn't know anything when we started, but he's built contacts for five years, now. I don't think you know what it takes anymore - he says the people who run the CW, Fox, YouTube, where I have my best chances - aren't the same kind of people you dealt with at the Disney Channel."

"I don't have what it takes? I don't have what it takes?!"

Kara flinched in the face of his rising anger. "Even Uncle Thad is saying that we should be sending out a younger agent to be the face of my portfolio. He says he feels..."

"Too old? We'd be too old?! I would be too old? Seriously?!"

...

Blaine stood in front of a row of producers. "I'm definitely not just a song-and-dance man," he laughed nervously.

The earnest male producer nodded, flipping pages. "It's been awhile but we still think you're a somewhat familiar face, so since we're casting an unknown for the daughter role we thought it would be good to having someone like you to round out the cast. You're like comfort food."

Blaine smiled. "I was a huge Gilmore Girls fan when I was a teenager. And I've always been told I pass for younger…so Christopher's energy is something I can definitely express naturally."

The producers all paused their actions. The LatinX producer spoke up first. "Uh, actually, we wanted you for the part of Richard."

Blaine's eyes widened. "The grandfather?"

…

Alice's phone rang while she was on a water break and she looked at it with a bleak expression. "Crap," she said to herself. "Hello?"

Sebastian was back at the beach house, knees up to his chest, sitting on the couch. "Hi. How is fencing?" he said morosely. "Tell me something good, Princess."

"Um, OK…." ? groped for words. "I...love you. You're...the best Papa, ever." She looked uncomfortable. "I gotta go."

Sebastian ignored her. "Not yet, Princess. Just keep saying things."

"Oh Papa," Alice said with great empathy. "Kara told me. But I think it will be okay. Dad always said you didn't like managing Kara back then anyway." She swallowed and an awkward pause went by. "I love you. I gotta go."

Sebastian fell backwards onto the couch with a thump.

...

"Yes, the child is 16, the mother is 32, and her parents also had her young too..."

"You want me to be the grandfather?" Blaine repeated, still dumbfounded.

"Yes, a young grandfather."

"How young?"

"55, 60?"

"A 60 year old...grandfather. You think I look 60...and like a grandfather." Blaine was flushing.

"A young one!"

"You're aging really well!"

"You'll be the hottest grandfather ever on screen!"

"I can see barely any gray…"

"You look young, you really do."

Blaine finally had to say something. "That's because I AM young. 46 is not old." He was trying to sound light hearted but he didn't feel it.

"Right... not old. Just older! That's exactly what we're looking for, a guy who is not letting his age get him down. We have this great scene he looks at himself in the mirror and uses his face serum and his retinol body lotion like weapons!"

Blaine stared at them for a second. Then he took his blazer off and curled his biceps. "Do you see any wrinkles? I don't moisturize here! He folded into a yoga pose. "How many grandfathers can do THIS?!"

"You should do that in a scene! Because really, you do look great for your age!"

Blaine waved a hand at him to stop him. "Ok, can you not? If you really want me for this...That's just a pet peeve of mine. Why can't people stop and just say, 'you look great,' Why do you have to add 'for your age?'"

"Sorry, sorry, Blaine - we thought Ricky told you who you'd be reading for. This is a great role for you - you'll be the GILF! And since you can pass for Japanese that makes you even more perfect."

"Japanese?" Blaine looked at them, baffled. "Really? You think I look Japanese?"

"Close enough," the female producer said, looking at her phone.

Blaine blood boiled and he folded his arms, completely losing his tact as he approached the table.. "Are you kidding?! Filipino or hapa MAYBE...and even if I did why would I take any of those parts from the hundreds of Japanese or actually-passing-Japanese Asian actors who have so few opportunities because writers and casting directors have no imagination?!"

"So, wait...do you mean... you don't want the part?"

"NO!"

…

Rachel moved a tray of appetizers to the kitchen island and looked around nervously.

Jesse bustled in with bottles of sparkling water. "The girls are home, I saw Teresa drop them off on the driveway."

Rachel's brow furrowed. "I swear we're forgetting something... what are we forgetting? I know we're forgetting something... "

Jesse took a deep breath, his whole body tensed with anticipation.

"Anyway, here we go!" Rachel said with determination as she headed out of the kitchen.

"Wait, wait, wait." Jesse's breath was quick as he pulled Rachel back. He moved a stray strand of hair from her shoulder and took a few more quick breaths, looking her in the eye intently. "Ok now here we go."

Rachel smiled at him and grabbed his hand.

…

Kara and Alice were walking up the artfully landscaped front walk. "Why couldn't it have been Auntie Tana?' Alice said glumly.

"Because she's gayer than Papa," laughed Kara.

Alice chuckled, "I don't know, he's pretty damn gay." She sobered again. "You know what I mean, why can't we be getting a cool step-mom?"

Kara shrugged, "Because Dad is too dorky to get a cool wife." She heard herself and looked disturbed. "God, this is so weird, Dad's going to have a WIFE."

...

Rachel and Jesse threw the front door open, startling Kara and Alice, who were coming in, their cumbersome fencing bags slung over their shoulders.

"Hi!" Jesse said, his smile wide as he took their equipment bags from them.

"Hi!" Rachel chirped.

"Welcome," Jesse said awkwardly, dropping the bags on a bench.

"Hi…" Kara said slowly, her eyes darting between her father and Rachel.

"Hello!" Alice said, too brightly.

Jesse threw his arms out wide, hugging Alice, who was closest to him. She stiffened a little.

"Welcome?" Kara said as she hugged Jesse next. "We live here."

"Sometimes," Alice muttered.

"We're just so glad that we can all sit down together, is all," Rachel said her fastidious way. "You are never here with the boys are...and your dad can work so late…it's so nice...that we can be together..."

"Yes…" Alice said politely.

Kara was tapping on her Apple Watch. Jesse reached over took it off her with one quick move. She grumbled, "Hey…"

He gave her a menacing look that quieted her.

"Well..you both look lovely," Rachel said, a little desperately.

Kara looked at her and said flatly, "No, I look like crap." But she could feel her father's eyes on her. "But thank you," she added politely.

Alice squirmed. "I'm going to pour myself a coke…" she said, moving towards the bar.

"No no no," Jesse said quickly. "Alex is off caffeine, so we're all off caffeine. In fact, no sugar until dessert, they're trying to moderate sugar."

Kara and Alice stared at him. Alice raised her eyebrows. "Are you kidding?"

"Yeah, no," Kara said matter of factly, and she headed towards the bar, Alice at her heels.

Jesse was about to follow but the doorbell rang. He and Rachel raced for the door.

"Hey, guys!"Jesse boomed as he opened the door.

"Hello, darlings!" Rachel sang out happily.

"Are they high?" Alex murmured to his brother.

"Alex, Welcome," Jesse said grandly, hugging him.

"Hi," Mikey said, looking a little disturbed as he hugged back.

"Michael. I love that sweater, sweetie." Rachel said to him over Alex's shoulder as she embraced her younger (by 5 minutes) son.

Alex took a moment to rest his head on his mother's shoulder as he hugged her. "Hey, Mom..."

When they walked in, Alex looked at Alice with trepidation. She wouldn't make eye contact, so he went to safer ground. "Hey, Kara," he said, nodding casually at her.

"What's up, Broseph?" she said with cool good humor, from the bar. "That's what I'm gonna call you now," she added, rattling ice in her glass.

"No, you are not," he said quiet determination.

"Mmm-hmm," Kara replied, smirking.

"Alice," Alex addressed her in the most mature way possible.

Alice spoke with a mouthful of ice. "Brophseph."

Jesse had come up to the girls and was taking their glasses from them. "You girls are going to be considerate of our guests. At the very least just have an Italian soda instead…."

Alex watched them with dawning comprehension. "Oh...oh that's...that's because of me." He held up his hand in protest. "It's fine. Please, everyone have all the caffeine and sugar you want. Enjoy."

Kara pulled at her father's arm. "See?"

Alice nodded, "He says it's fine!"

Rachel came over with a tray of fried mac and cheese balls. "Thanks, sweetheart, but it's OK," she said to Alex. "Everybody's needs have been considered tonight." She looked at the girls. "Alice, the bread crumbs are gluten-free. You're special, too."

"Thank you," Alice said, a little woodenly.

Kara began to tease Mikey while Jesse and Rachel started taking out more appetizers.

"Come here," Alex said in a whisper to Alice.

"No."

"Come here!" Alex pulled her by the elbow just out of the room.

Alice held up a hand before he could speak. "I am not dealing you tonight."

"You're not dealing me? What am I, a deck of cards?"

"You know what I mean, I'm not dealing with you!"

"Alice, I have no idea what I did that night!"

Alice looking at him with disbelief. "Are you kidding me?"

"No! I had was on that 18 hour Sudafed and then I took too much Nyquil and drank a wine cooler by accident when I was too sleepy to notice! They said I blacked out! It's a thing!"

Kara's head popped out from the kitchen in the distance. "You guys, there's potstickers and meatballs!"

"Just a second!" Alice said sharply, which made Kara raise her eyebrows as she ducked back into the kitchen.

Alice gave Alex a withering look. "Well, let me refresh your memory. While a Harvard Westlake alumni was visiting our house and interviewing me, you showed up on our front lawn shouting at the top of your lungs, "Alice, I love you! Don't go on your first date with Jack! It doesn't have to be me, just don't pick Jack!" Which managed to not only spook the Harvard Westlake person, REALLY piss off my Papa, and really hurt Jack's feelings! You're lucky no one got it on YouTube!"

"Holy shit," Alex said, dumbfounded.

"Yeah," Alice said, crossing her arms.

"I had no idea. That's really, really bad."

They stared at each other for a second before Rachel's voice interrupted them. "Let's go, everybody! Phones in the box!"

Mikey was putting his phone in the wooden box in Rachel's small hands, en route to the dining room.

"Phones!" Rachel repeated.

"God, I thought you only did this at your house," Kara said, giving up her phone.

"This IS her house," Jesse said, in a matter-of-fact tone.

"I need a coke or I need my phone," Alice said, still shaken from her conversation with Alex. "You have GOT to give me something."

Jesse and Rachel looked at one another. Jesse relented first. "We hid a bottle of sprite."

"Behind the toaster," Rachel finished for him.

"Good enough," Alice said with a sigh of relief, tossing her phone in the box.

...

Blaine was at the piano again, his shirt sleeves rolled up - he hadn't changed since the audition. He played a few chords, more noise than music, slamming the keys over and over again until it morphed into an angry, raucous rendition of "Chopsticks," his hands pouncing on the keys, willing something, ANYTHING to come of it all, until he just hit the keys with both fists before closing the lid with a bang. He sat, breathing a little heavily, looking in his lap, he didn't even look up when the door opened.

Sebastian came in, looking weary. "Did you drink the last of the tequila?"

Blaine looked up calmly. "No, I hid it."

"What the hell? That's my tequila."

Blaine took a deep breath and turned to face Sebastian, "Will you stop drunk-serenading me when I'm trying to sleep?"

Sebastian's eyes narrowed. "Ohhhh...I thought that was a dream. Yeah yeah yeah, sure."

"And will you stop drunk-texting Sam?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"And my brother?"

"Coop likes the attention..."

"He's married!"

"Fine." But Sebastian had been looking over Blaine, sensing something was different. He took a beat before changing the subject. "What were you playing just before I came in? It wasn't bad. It's like what they play at the symphony as part of the season package...the modern stuff?"

Blaine glanced back at the keyboard. "It's the stuff of my day." Sebastian's interest was sweet, though. He turned back, trying to look pleasant. "How did Thad take you coming back?"

"I didn't talk to him. I decided it's...it's not me any more," Sebastian said, a little stiffly. He stood up a little straighter. "So where'd you hide the tequila?"

Blaine gave him an assessing glance that made him wonder, but he decided not to press. "Under my sink."

Sebastian left quickly, but Blaine got up slowly from the piano bench. He stood for a minute, staring at the closed keyboard. He finally put his fingers on the lid and jerked it open.

…

There were no sounds at the dinner table than the scraping of silverware, the muted sound of chewing, and the sound of the glasses as they were returned to the table after a sip. No one was meeting anyone else's glance. In other words,

*crickets*

Mikey was playing with his food, until he remembered his mother would scold him for playing with his food. He just stared at the chicken until he finally spoke up. "How did you get the almond to actually stick to the chicken?"

Kara rolled her eyes as she tipped her head backwards.

"Egg whites!" Rachel trilled.

Mikey nodded, giving her a polite smile.

"There are eggs in this?" Alice asked, looking a little disgusted.

Kara arched an eyebrow at her sister. "You have a problem with the eggs but not the chicken? That's classic."

"Just egg whites, no yolk," Rachel said helpfully. "And then you just grind up the almonds with a little paprika," Rachel said.

"She's become a magician in the kitchen,"Jesse said, with a loving glance at her.

Alice gave her father a disturbed look.

Rachel said with a bit of false modesty, "I'm just learning. Do you think it's dry?" she asked Kara.

"A little," Kara said shrewdly.

Rachel looked a little injured.

Jesse glared at Kara but she wouldn't meet his eyes. "I think it's perfect, babe," he said, squeezing Rachel's hand across the table.

All four kids looked at them with varying states of discomfort.

.

...

Blaine came up to the 2nd floor hallway. Sebastian was doing pull-ups on a bar he had hung from the doorway of one of the bedrooms, but he was struggling and doing them a little slower than usual.

Blaine looked up at him beseechingly, "Did you hide my donuts?"

Sebastian panted out, "I... threw... them... out."

Blaine slumped up against a wall. "You're mean. I'd give my right arm for a donut."

Sebastian grunted with exertion, "They're so bad...for you…"

Blaine rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "Of course they're bad for me."

Sebastian struggled to raise himself again. "They didn't even...look fresh."

"And of course they're not fresh, they come from Chicago or something!" Blaine pouted, leaning on the counter. His brow furrowed at Sebastian. "Maybe that's enough of the pull-ups...you don't look so good."

Sebastian said resentfully as he worked harder to go faster, "Blaine Anderson...not always such a nice guy…"

Blaine drummed his fingers on the kitchen island and pouted at Sebastian. "You picked on me and my Entenmanns first - my mom used to buy them for me and Coop when we got sick…They're my comfort food. I only eat them when I'm having a really horrible day."

Sebastian tried to swing himself from the bar a bit to get more momentum for another pull-up. As he did he pulled the bar out of the doorway and fell crashing with it to the hardwood floor. The bar landed with a thunk on his nose. "ARGHHHHHHHHHH!"

Blaine had watched with saucer-like eyes. He hurried over. "God, are you okay?" He offered a hand to help Sebastian up off the floor.

Sebastian looked up at him, glowering. "That did not happen because I'm old. Or because I don't know what it takes."

"Maybe you just need a donut," Blaine said, trying not to laugh.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I would kill for a cigarette," he said as he accepted the help up, wiping his brow with his tank top and drawing closer to Blaine. "In fact, if we don't get me a cigarette, I might end up killing you."

Blaine looked up and his big hazel eyes met Sebastian's green ones with urgency. "If I don't get a donut, I might lash out at you, too."

They both whipped their heads towards the door to the garage, and said the same thing at once. "Shall we?"

It was a race to the cars.

…

Dinner was marching on in awkward silences. Alex stewed until he said with purpose, "Alice, would you deal the salt, please?"

Alice gave him a scowl and slammed the salt in front of him. "Excuse me," she said, standing up from the table and leaving the room.

Alex looked alarmed. He ignored the questioning glances around the table and got up to follow Alice.

"Alice…" he called softly from behind her in the hallway.

Alice turned around and pleaded, "I cannot deal with all of this right now. I can't deal with my dad suddenly acting straight or bisexual or whatever, and I can't deal with you. And the sugar is GONE from this house!"

"I know," Alex said soothingly "I want a Coke, too." He bit his lip. "But we have to figure a way to deal without that stuff, 'cause they're not gonna get it for us and we can't get jobs or drive yet. And we have to deal without storming out of the room."

Alice rubbed her temples. "No, no, no, no. I cannot be taking advice about all this from YOU right now.  
That, that...that can't be right."

"It is, I'm not so bad anymore...and that could be good. I can help you with other stuff... we're...step-people now."

Alice shuddered. "No."

Alex wrinkled his nose. "We can't do anything about it - we share a dad now, and a mom. They're gonna make us be...civil. We have to be civil."

"No, I don't," Alice said desperately. "I just came here to use the bathroom! I didn't come here to deal with you! So just, just let me go so that I can go to the bathroom. Please!" She ducked away into the bathroom quickly and Alex looked upset.

….

Kara was in the kitchen, mixing Italian syrup into the sprite she had poured into a glass.

Mikey came in, looking a little tired. "Uh, you need help?"

Kara looked at him with a furrowed brow. "With what?"

"With dessert," he replied in a matter of fact tone. "Isn't that what you came in here to do?"

"Oh, no. I am not doing that. I came in here so I don't have to be out there." She moved toward the kitchen island. "By the way, why would you bring dessert in like seven different containers? Go to the boulangerie like a normal person. Buy a croquembouche, a clafoutis..."

Mikey uncovered the cake and was opening the containers to sprinkle toppings on it. "Wow, you really don't get how not-normal your family is," he muttered.

"What's that?" Kara asked threateningly.

Mikey sighed. "What's your problem?"

Kara started sipping her drink. "Nothing. It's just...why are we talking about the chicken in there?" She imitated him in a sing-song voice. "'Oh, that's how you get the almond to stick to the chicken?'"

She switched her voice still higher to mock Rachel. "'Yeah, but you have to use egg whites.'"

She crossed her arms and finished sardonically, "Oh, well, egg whites makes it OK that my Papa and Uncle Blaine are home alone and HEARTBROKEN."

Mikey tried to reason with her. "Everyone is just trying their best, Kara."

Kara gave him a challenging look. "Is that why you gave that elaborate toast?"

Mikey shrugged. "It was the kiddush."

"Oh," Kara didn't have a comeback for that.

"What did you think was going to happen tonight?"

"I don't know, but don't you think it's weird that no one is talking about this? It's like we have flashed forward five years into the future and everybody's cool with Dad and Rachel."

"I'm already cool with it," Mikey said, glancing sideways.

"Oh, really? You're cool with it? Would you be cool with it if your mom had been cheating with a straight guy instead of waiting on my dad's and Blaine's confusing sexuality for the last 10 years?"

Mikey stared at the ceiling to consider this. "I don't know."

Kara nodded her head. "I know this much. There wouldn't be cake. There'd be blood. Or bullets.  
Something. For sure, we wouldn't be talking about the chicken."

Mikey's eyes grew bright. "Do you think you're the only one that's having a hard time? Up until a week ago I was under the impression my parents loved each other. Now I'm losing my family. I'm losing Jewish Christmas Eve, BroadwayHD marathons, New York trips every season all together..."

Kara looked a little contrite. "I forgot you guys all liked each other."

"Well, we had to...my mom made us sleep on stage before opening nights on Broadway in a four person sleeping bag."

Kara's eyes grew incredulous. "Really?"

Mikey looked at her with amusement. "No," he said, picking up the cake. "I'll carry this, you carry the coffee."

Kara scoffed. "No. The smell of decaf makes me sick."

Mikey rolled his eyes and took the pot of coffee in his other hand.

…

Blaine stood next to Sebastian at the checkstand of the gourmet grocery store, calling across the room at the young male clerk who was arranging boxes of strawberries but quote obviously ogling a customer from behind. "Sir? Sir! We'd like to check out please."

The young man kept talking, though they were completely within earshot.

"Hello? Don't you hear me?" Blaine called again, growing frustrated. "We need help with the cigarettes!"

Sebastian glanced up for a moment from the Grindr app on his phone.

Another young male clerk walked by. "Excuse me," Blaine said to him. "Can you help us?"

The second clerk didn't seem to hear him, either.

One more man walked by. "Oh, excuse me," Blaine said.

"I don't work here," the young man said, a little irritated.

"Sorry...you just...you should, since you actually have ears," Blaine replied.

Sebastian looked annoyed as he said to the young man, "I'll pay you $100 to shoplift a pack of Parliament Hybrids and this basket of preservatives for us."

Blaine grimaced at Sebastian and shooed off the young man. "He's kidding," he said apologetically. "Hello!" he called again at the first clerk.

…

Mikey lifted a forkful of cake and said in a lofty tone, "This is Dad's favorite."

Kara looked impressed. "And when he says 'Dad,' he doesn't mean you, Daddy," she said, gesturing as if to clarify. "He means Uncle Blaine," she said with mock sincerity. "He lives with Papa now at our 2nd home. You remember Papa, right? I remember my Papa. We call him that because he's half French. He used to live here."

Jesse gave her a severe look. "Enough, Kara."

Rachel squeezed his hand and said seriously, "No, it's OK. Clearly, they need to express something." She looked around the table, taking a beat. "Are Sebastian and Blaine upset that you came over?"

Kara said haughtily, "Papa doesn't know I'm here."

"We told him we had a thing with Uncle Thad," Alice said, squirming.

"I'm 'working on a history project' at Charlie's," Alex said.

"I hate this," Mikey said flatly.

Jesse asked with genuine surprise, "Why wouldn't you tell them you were coming here?"

Kara looked at him with condescension. "Are you really asking that?"

"Yes! I am," Jesse returned, his blue eyes flashing a bit. He put down his silverware. "They're going to find out you came here and they're going to think we told you not to tell them, and they'll assume you're taking our side."

Alice looked annoyed. "I'm sorry, are there instructions that we didn't get that tell us how to act these days? Because you two seem to be the only ones who know the rules."

Rachel contended, "We just think you should have been honest."

Alex had to chuckle. "I'm sorry, are you trying to be ironic? After 10 years of dishonesty?"

Rachel grew somber. "I'm trying to be your mother." She swallowed thickly and tears came to her eyes. "You don't have to point out to me that I hurt your father. I know he's been hurt. Lying only makes it worse. They've been through enough."

"Because of you!" Mikey burst out. "I lied to my dad for the first time in my life because of you - and I'm not even allowed to be mad."

Rachel looked confused "Why not?"

"'Cause of all the LGBTQXYZ stuff! If dad had been completely straight and you had been with a straight guy for the last 10 years, we wouldn't even be here eating cake!"

Kara glanced at the kitchen door with bemusement. "Say it in there, and it comes out here," she remarked quietly.

Mikey stood up dramatically. "So we are not eating cake," he declared, picking up the remainder of the torte.

Rachel looked disturbed, and looked over at Jesse. He was looking worried as he squeezed her hand.

Alex broke the silence. "Kara, would you pass the whipped cream, please?"

Alice glanced over at him, now chastened after her speech. She reached over for the bowl of whipped cream and passed it to him.

Alex's eyes widened a little with surprise. "Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome, Alex."

…

Blaine walked over towards the young man who was now talking with the blonde in the mini-dress. "Sir, can we get some cigarettes over here?"

The young man finally smiled in their direction and held up one finger to ask them to wait. He walked toward them, but then stationed himself one row over, where a busty young redhead had come up to check out.

"Oh, God, thank you!" she said, placing her basket on the conveyor belt.

"Sure, Hi!" the young clerk said, his smile wide.

Sebastian's head lifted again, surveying the scene.

Blaine looked baffled. "Excuse me! We asked for help first!"

Sebastian's brow furrowed. "What the hell?"

Blaine patted his arm. "It's not worth getting upset over…" he said, though he was irked himself.

Sebastian's phone buzzed with a text from Santana about meeting for a drink later. Then he switched to an email notification:

To: Sebastian Smythe

From: Joe Barillo

That's shitty Jesse dumped you. I don't have anything for you now, but I'd love you on my next project. This McAVoy thing I'm on now just can't take on another producer with no experience, sorry - too many cooks in the kitchen already. Next time, for sure!

The grocery clerk kept his back turned, and held up his index finger again at Sebastian and Blaine.

The redhead was smiling back. "Hi! How are you?"

"I'm good."

Sebastian had been stewing, and he looked up at the clerk, barely seeing him. He looked down again when his phone buzzed with a Grindr message that read,

Fuck didn't see ur age. How old is that snap? Not foxhoundin 2nite.

Sebastian switched to the email notification he had received at the same time:

To: Sebastian Smythe

From: The Gold Medical Group

It's time for your first colonoscopy!

A low rumble sounded from the back of Sebastian's throat.

"It's a beautiful night," the redhead trilled.

Blaine glanced at Sebastian with concern. He tried again, calling to the clerk, "Sorry, but we've been waiting a long time…"

The clerk ignored him. "It is," he said to the girl.

Sebastian was now focused on them, slowly taking in the scene and not believing that even a simple fucking thing like going to the store was turning into goddamned pain in the ass. He could not believe they had not been helped, after all this time, after Blaine being so polite, after everything they had fucking been through. He could not believe any of this, and he'd had enough. "Hey, bonehead, are you in a coma?!"

The redhead asked the clerk, "Do you have lottery tickets?"

"Sure do," the young man replied amiably.

"We know you can fucking hear us!" Sebastian barked.

Blaine looked flustered as he tried to explain, "Sorry, um...he's….We'd use self-checkout, but we need cigarettes."

The clerk didn't react, just asked the redhead, "How many?"

She giggled. "Trying my luck with just two, please."

Sebastian drew himself straighter and finally let loose, shouting, "Hey you! You! Dead-end job rat! You!"

The clerk turned back at Sebastian and Blaine and gave them a blank smile, holding up his index finger to ask them to wait. "Just a second." He turned back to the redhead's cleavage. Just two of the scratch-offs?"

"Yeah, scratch-offs."

Sebastian started moving around the checkstand in front of him. "I'll scratch something off YOU, bitch."

Blaine pulled at him. "Don't make a scene, it's not worth it."

Sebastian looked at him stubbornly and shook his head vigorously. "No! I'm gonna make a scene!" He looked around wildly and started pitching the closest nearby items at the clerk. "HELLO! HELLO! HELLLLLLLO!" he hollered, the sound of flying Snickers bars smacking the back of the clerk. The young man turned around again at last, in time to get hit in the chest by the plastic shopping basket Sebastian had thrown next. "What kind of asshole treats people like this?!" Sebastian strained against Blaine, who was pulling hard to keep him behind the checkstand. "You think it's all right to ignore us?! Just because we're not in our twenties anymore? Because you think we aren't up to speed anymore?"

He threw a magazine at the clerk and pointed at Blaine. "Because he's got a little gray hair?" He threw a plastic jar of carmels at him and they flew everywhere. "Or because we're not one of the neverending line of inflatable bimbos around here?" He threw a box of individually wrapped fudge dipped oreos next, making a leaping pastel rainbow. "Or is it because you think we might be gay?! 'Cause YES! I'm gay, and he's gayer than he thinks," he pointed at Blaine. He regarded him for a moment before continuing. "And he's also the freaking Rock of Gibraltar for everyone else in the world: he takes care of his kids and a bushel of public school friends and all the Warblers, he even teaches convicts for crying out loud."

Blaine walked to the other side of Sebastian to try to pull out towards the exit. Sebastian couldn't stop his rant if he tried, though. "No one takes care of him anymore and now he's had a shit day so he deserves some of these Entemuffin things and I just need a bloody pack of Parliaments!"

Blaine pulled harder and succeeded in getting Sebastian to move in the right direction. "Come on, let's get out of here, Sebastian. Come on.  
Let's go."

Sebastian was still shouting as he allowed himself to be dragged finally. "You should've given him his goddamn donuts! I'll sue your puny ass!"

"This way!" Blaine directed him, though he was starting to chuckle.

...

In the car, Blaine was opening the pack of cigarettes. Sebastian was catching his breath at the steering wheel. "Ok," he admitted. "Didn't exactly represent Dalton well on this occasion. But I refuse to be dismissed," he said darkly.

Blaine reached into the glove compartment where he knew he would find a lighter.

Blaine looked at him with a wise expression. "It's OK. I learned something." He lit the cigarette and handed it to Sebastian. "That guy doesn't even realize he's given us a superpower."

Sebastian finally caught up to what was before him. "You stole those?"

Blaine said smugly, "With my superpowers. You can't see me. You can't stop me."

Sebastian looked at him with renewed respect. "Hah, nice work, Killer." He took a long drag and let out a groan of satisfaction, his long-lashed green eyes closing for a moment. When they opened, he said, "But what about your Entethings?"

Blaine smiled coolly. "I can use self-checkout now...across town."

Sebastian gave him a fond look and chuckled as he peeled out of the parking lot. "You wanna hit a Citibank, too?"

…

Rachel climbed into bed with Jesse in her pink pajamas, looking resigned. "I knew we forgot something."

Jesse looked at her expectantly.

She tucked herself into bed with a sigh. "We forgot it was too soon."

…

When Sebastian and Blaine arrived back at the beach house, they found a half of a torte on the table. It was Blaine's favorite cake.

The card read:

We love you, Papa/Uncle Seb and Dad/Uncle Blaine


End file.
